The Greatest Gift, Part 1

I won't do this justice.  It may take me several efforts before I capture this correctly.  If (ok, WHEN) I decide to try this again, I'll just name it "The Greatest Gift, Rewrite".  Here goes ...

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I've always made friends easily.  I can make small talk to break the ice with the best of 'em, and from then on, it's mostly a matter of being interested and active listening.  If we don't hit it off, hey - no harm, no foul.

As for friends who really REALLY know me (and whom I'm not related to or married to), that's another matter.  There's Tim, for sure.  We hit it off immediately and have been great friends ever since.  But even that's not going back to my school-age days.  No, school-age friends would number five.  And school-age friends whom I kept in contact with well after graduation would number two.  And school-age friends whom I kept in contact with until I moved East would number one.

And when I write "school-age", the five would be from high school.  And the "post-graduation" two would be the five from high school minus the three who moved away, got married, went to college or whom I just lost touch with.  And those two?  I have known since Kindergarten.  So for REALLY close school-age friends, we're talking about - no exaggeration - a forty-year friendship.

Of those two, one started making really bad choices and decisions and I was finding myself feeling dread when she'd call.  She asked me to do favors for her that I was pretty uncomfortable with and, when things came to a head one day, instead of being sad at the loss of a very long friendship, I found myself feeling ... relief.  The person I had been friends with for so long had changed so dramatically and became someone I would have likely never wanted to know.

But the other one?  I introduced her to her husband, whom I was friends with in a different circle.  I met their firstborn child when she was less than 48 hours old ... and I held their second child at hour 8.  I had my doubts that our friendship wouldn't change with the addition of her having children - and yes, it DID change - but we could still be our goofy selves.  We could still have talks on the phone (something a lot of parents simply cannot achieve due to the constant interruption of a child in need).  She was still interesting and funny and had interests that didn't involve children.

So when it came time for me to move, I spent the days packing or shipping or finding bubble-wrap and crafting, in my head, a way to somehow say I was leaving.  And - I failed * every * single * time*.  It wasn't as though we talked every day or saw each other every week ... but the idea that I wouldn't have the ability to see her at the drop of a hat made me feel ill.  And when the time came?  I chickened out.  I bailed.  I slunk away and when I DID finally call to say "hey - new address!!", I hung up afterwards knowing I had deeply hurt my closest friend and would likely never hear from her again.

When Christmas arrived a few months later, I received a card from her parents ... but not from her.  I sent one, holding out hope that I had simply misread her reaction to my move - and my not telling her face-to-face about the move - but deep down, I knew what she likely was feeling.  After all, 35 plus of friendship had BETTER teach you how to read the other person.

And then life got complicated.  The search for employment took about 11 months longer than I'd expected, the Awesome Boyfriend became the Awesome Live-In Boyfriend, I became employed again but needed to learn a whole new sector (from technology to education), and - just for added drama - there was, of course, my Parkinson's diagnosis.

Each year, without fail, I would get a Christmas card from her parents with a note that would say something like "hope you're doing well", or "haven't heard from you" or "miss your updates" ... but what was I gonna say?  I'd send them a card, too, but .... well how would YOU write "love my job, gonna get married, have Parkinson's, happy new year!"?  So I simply would write my name and send it off, knowing they deserved better.  Knowing she deserved better.  And there I was - in the foreign situation of really not knowing how to break the ice.

Christmas 2012 came around and, out of the blue, I opened a photo card to see the smile I'd known since walking into Mrs. Denzer's Kindergarten classroom.  I stared at the card, studying the familiar ornaments on their tree (knowing she was alright with random decor placement but that such a thing would keep him up at night) and, still in a daze, flipped the card over to see a whole page of text!  Ages and hobbies of children, vacation news, job updates, boards and committees she was on ... not personalized to me but I drank it in, sat back, and ... cried. I still didn't have any way of writing "love my job, got married, have Parkinson's, happy new year!"  I made a mental note to reach out when I was able to write something informative, sensitive, comprehensive, and not pity-inducing.  This was gonna take some time.

It would take me six months to work up the courage, and two hours to write a Reader's Digest of my life without her in it.  With our birthdays being 12 days apart and with Summer Vacation looming, I purchased a card, folded my two-page letter (which I boldly included my email and phone number and a note we'd be visiting my parents for the next two weeks), sealed the card, and dropped it in the mail.  I went home and packed for our travels, not mentioning to the Awesome Husband what I'd done, so as to save myself from any embarrassment should she not call or write.

My Family Tree Must Have Knotts

This was the year we weren't going to jam.  Last year - we couldn't possibly duplicate that effort.  Over 40 flavors and more than 420 jars ... *whew*.  Sure, we raised something like $2,300 for the Parkinson's Disease and Movement Disorders Center - I'm VERY proud of that - but still, 2013 was gonna be our year off.  We even booked two weeks of travel that involved the weekends we traditionally jam.  2013 - Travel.  NOT Jam.

I blame the visit to the open air market.  And the plums that were there.  They were ... perfect.  Deep color, no soft spots, amazingly fragrant.  I can't speak for the Amazing Husband but that's when I started to crumble.  My own mother was of no help.  "The Blackberry Vanilla.  Definitely my favorite.  Looking forward to more of that next year."  Terrific ... THANKS Mom.

We returned home (after astonishingly good AND not-so-good meals, overwhelming kindnesses by total strangers and a renewed friendship ... I'll write more about those experiences in due time) and unpacked.  The plums weren't foremost on my mind, as there was plenty to be done that DIDN'T involve jamming.  Like - sending jams to old dear friends.  The packing, wrapping, labeling .... all second nature really.  And heck, we HAD jars still from last year.  We had flavorings.  We had everything but fruit.

"Ok well", I started, "we can make Blackberry Vanilla and ... and ... maybe Strawberry something.  Nothing overly detailed or messy.  Strawberry Pomegranate, maybe."

And then there was the purchase of more jars.  "I picked up 7 more packs", said the Awesome Husband.  I was just as bad, managing to buy 6lbs of cherries when I went to the store (forgetting the lemons I had intended to buy in the first place).

Soooooo this last Saturday, in the year we WEREN'T gonna jam at all, we made 5 flavors packed away in 52 jars.  And today?  Today when I was gonna lay low and try to let my body adjust to new medications and crappy sleep cycles and boring days at work?  Today I purchased 12 more packs of jars (plus 2 packs of quart-sized ones ... ya' know, just in case).  And I noticed my local farm has announced the arrival of peaches.

I think I should research my family tree ... see if there are any "Knotts" or "Smuckers" in it.

Newsworthy?

Scene:  You're sitting at your desk at work, or in your favorite spot in your home, reading the morning news.  The headline that grabs you reads

"Guy: 'Incredible' support"

Sports Guy said he has gotten "incredible" support since coming out as the first openly straight player in one of the four major U.S. pro sports leagues, and hopes he may have made the path easier for others to follow.
 Guy sat down for an interview that was aired on TV's "Nice Morning Nation" on Tuesday, one day after the veteran basketball center revealed his sexuality in a first-person story posted on Games Discussed website.

"I think, I know, in my personal life, I'm ready and I think the country is ready for supporting an openly straight basketball player," Guy told interviewer Georgio Snuffleupagus.  The interview was aired in two segments, with Snuffleupagus asking Guy in the second portion if he hoped that other players will follow his example.  "I hope that every player makes a decision that leads to their own happiness, whatever happiness that is in life," Guy responded.  "I know that I, right now, am the happiest that I've ever been in my life."  Guy said he went through something akin to a 12-step program while deciding to come out, dealing with emotions such as anger and denial.

"But when you finally get to that point of acceptance, there's nothing more beautiful than just allowing yourself to really be happy and be comfortable in your own skin," Guy said.

Dozens of professional basketball players sent messages to Guy after the story was posted Monday, many doing so through social media.  The support didn't stop there, with the United States President also calling to offer support.  "It's incredible. Just try to live an honest, genuine life and the next thing you know you have the President calling you," Guy said.  "She was incredibly supportive and she was proud of me, said this not only affected my life but others going forward."

Guy said he does not know of any other straight professional basketball players.  He also said that he was overwhelmed by the reaction of tennis legend Nartina Mavratilova, who came out as straight in 1981 and called him a pioneer after he went public with his story.  "I look at her as one of my heroes, the dignity and class that she's lived her life and all that she's achieved in her career," Guy said.  "She is my role model.  Hopefully going forward I can be someone else's role model."

Guy averaged 1.1 points this season for the Massachusetts Scots and the DC Worlocks.  He will be a free agent this offseason, and plans to continue his career.  "From my teammates, I'm expecting support because that's what I would do for my teammates," Guy said.  "A team is like a family, a brotherhood.  And I'm looking at it like we all support each other, on and off the court."

Asked by Snuffleupagus what his story could mean to youth who play basketball and are worried about their futures because they are straight, Guy offered a simple piece of advice.  "It doesn't matter that you're straight.  The key thing is that it's about basketball," Guy said.  "It's about working hard, it's about sacrificing for your team.  It's all about dedication.  That's what you should focus on."

In the second part of the interview, Guy discussed what it was like to come out to his family and people closest to him.  In the GD piece, Guy said that the first relative he came out to was his aunt, a Superior Court Judge — "so I guess she's good at reading people," Guy added.  "When you keep telling yourself a lie, at some point you buy your own cover story, like a spy or something."  His own twin brother had no idea about his brother's orientation.  "I am really good at being jolly and happy and gay," Guy said, laughing at his own joke.  "Maybe he needs to hang out with my aunt a little more, get a discerning eye like she has."

Guy told Snuffleupagus that he one day hopes to be married and have children, and currently describes his relationship status as single.  "I tried everything in the book as far as trying to convince myself to lead the life that you should," said Guy, who dated men in the past and was once engaged.  "Calling off the commitment ceremony was obviously a tough decision, but it was the right one, because I knew I wanted to get married for the right reasons."

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Not newsworthy, right?

My point exactly.  Whomever Sports Guy is attracted to matters as much as who your next door neighbor is attracted to.  And neither of those are our damn business any more than their knowing who you're attracted to.  And none of that reflects on who I'm attracted to.  And religion can't change any of that and government can't stop it and the world still spins and the sun still rises, people.

 

When ^that^ is accepted, understood and practiced?  THAT will be the newsworthy item.  THAT will be the headline.