More of More

More about "What It Means" ...

• It means swallowing your angst and ignoring your past injuries.
  


• It means giving your last length of rope to them, even if that's all you were holding onto.
  
  
• It means having the hard conversations about what the future may hold and hearing yourself say things like "I'd be alright" even when the very thought of those things actually happening makes your stomach turn.
  
  
• It means listening to their dreams - not always adopting them as YOUR dreams, but listening and wanting them to come true.
  
  
• It means being happy to hear the shower going because you know they're home with you.
  
  
• It means being honest enough to say "I'm sorry - I wasn't really listening. Can you repeat that?" and knowing that they'd rather you admit that than just nod along and say "that's nice, dear".
  
  
• It means waking up in a cold sweat at night in their arms as they say "it's ok, you're safe" and being grateful that they already know what to say, even 'tho you haven't told them what was wrong.
  
  
• It means explaining your family and all the various oddities therein, because you want to warn them and share with them all at the same time.
  
  
• It means being excited when they share about their past, because it adds to your future.
  
  
• It means feeling yourself lighten, just a little, when they smile.
  

That's even more of what it means to love someone.

Similar But Different

While growing up, when my sister and I would frustrate our parents (and we often did), my folks would mix up our names. I'm guessing that's a common problem in families with more than one child and, when at the breaking point, one cannot fault a parent who looks at their child and thinks "now what the hell is their name again?"

That aside, my sister and I have always been more different than alike. In fact, it turns out that all we had to do to be closer is not live in the same house. True story - the day she moved out, we became each others #1 supporters and biggest fans. She always had my back and I always had hers, no question. Even so, life gets in the way and we didn't always make the time to talk to one another. Like any other close relationship, my sister and I have our "practically best friends" periods and our "I can't relate" periods. We're currently in a "practically best friends" period and she calls me about twice a week.

I wish I could write about how much I've been enjoying our conversations. I wish I could share how much I laugh during our chats, how happy I feel afterwards, how much I look forward to our next phone call. I wish I could ...

After our talk today, I walked into the living room, sat down, and I heard myself sigh. Perhaps hearing me - or just sensing my mood - Tabby strolled over and asked to come sit on my lap for a bit, which I encouraged. Cats are good for that kind of thing. I mused for awhile. Just because you completely love and support someone doesn't mean you agree with them all the time. My sister is making some pretty heavy life changes these days that we both agree will be good for her overall but ... ... I'm not thrilled about how little these decisions seem to be weighing on her.

I can't help but think back to directional changes in my life that I made last year and how much time and energy I spent coming to those decisions. I wonder if I seemed to make any of those choices easily. I did not ... even though I knew that the final result would be best for me. Because I agree with her ultimate decision, I don't feel it necessary to ask "are you sure this is the best solution?" or "have you satisfied every other option in your eyes?" It's possible that she really is struggling with these questions or, more likely, has been struggling on them for months and months already. I want to be able to say "good job - now move onwards" to her and really mean it.

I guess I worry that her seemingly cavalier actions could be seen as echoing my beliefs ... and, recognizing that as a selfish thought, I then beat myself up for losing focus on the bigger picture. She supported me completely and never outwardly doubted my actions last year. I will do the same for her now - not out of obligation, but out of love.

More of "What It Means"

I started this last month and said there would be more. It seems most fitting, during this time of year, to continue onwards.

• It's hearing them sleep and smiling, just because you know they're near.


• It's being proud of them for their spirit, their drive, their goals because you realize those things are important to them.


• It's wanting to hold them in the middle of the day for no reason at all.


• It's sometimes seeing glimpses of the child they were, and smiling at their sweetness.


• It's saying things like "drive safely" as they walk out the door at 6:15am and really meaning it, not just saying it as a habit.


• It's feeling alright for being goofy in front of them, knowing that they won't think any less of you for sometimes being a kook.


• It's hearing them say words like "home" and "we" and "us" and feeling a warmth inside because you realize you're a part of that equation.


• It's being strong enough on your own that you DON'T make the other person your reason for breathing, but being brave enough to let them know you breathe easier because of them.


• It's walking towards them as they wait for you from an errand, and feeling yourself just grin a little wider because you know you'll be by their side again.


• It's knowing that neither of you need a designated day to tell the other what they mean to you, because you share that information all the time.

That's a little more of what it means to love someone.

More Weirdness

What if ...

... Al Davis starred in "A League Of Their Own"?

... Sonny Bono was the lead singer for "Vertigo"?

... Paul McCartney held Senate hearings to find Communists?

... Joe Mantegna was the Quarterback for the SF 49ers in the '80s?

... Jerry Lewis was known for singing "Great Balls Of Fire"?

... or, for that matter, ...

... Shari Lewis was known for singing "Great Balls Of Fire"?

... Sandra Day O'Connor was famous for tearing a photograph of the Pope in half?

... George Harrison starred in the "Indiana Jones" movies?

... Sammy Davis, Jr. was a famous MLB right-fielder for the Chicago Cubs and was once in a home-run record race with Mark McGwire?

Just When You Thought I Couldn't Get Any Weirder

Have you ever thought of something - like, say, an animal, pictured it in your head and then thought of something else - maybe a DIFFERENT animal - and found that ya' really couldn't picture it in your head?

For instance ... we all know that this ...

... is an armadillo. The coiled shell-like hood and back kinda give him away. Plus he looks just like David Schwimmer did when his character "Ross" on "Friends" dressed up in what was supposed to be Santa so that he could tell his son "Ben" all about Hanukkah but all they had left at the costume store was an armadillo cos... where was I?

Right - ok so we're agreed. This ...

... is an armadillo.

Now ... what's an aardvark look like?

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I know - right? Well, here - lemme help.

This ...

... is an aardvark.

How crazy is THAT? I mean just look at these two?

Cousins ... they're identical cousins!

Ok so I did a little more digging. It seems that the armadillo - remember, that's this one ...

... is an omnivore and their natural diet includes grubs, worms and ants. They will also eat cockroaches.

Meanwhile, it seems that our buddy the aardvark, which, as a reminder, is THIS guy here ...

... eats pretty much small insects - like termites and ants.

So I know what you're thinking. "Wait - does that mean that armadillos ... ... or aardvarks ... ... are just anteaters with funny names?"

Well, I looked that up too - and the answer is "no" because see - THIS ...

... is an anteater.

There. I'm glad I could clear that up for you.

Dat's Who

Now THIS Is Refreshing!

If you watched the Superbowl last year, you MAY remember this ad.



I actually remember the ad because my first thought was "Ancient Bob Dylan Song remix. Ok - time for a snack" (I'm not what one would call a Dylan fan) but before I could stand up, the lyrics caught my attention:

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true.
May you always do for others,
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung.
And may you stay forever young.
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift.
And may you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
And may your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung.
May you stay forever young.
May you stay forever young.

I liked the message. They weren't talking about their product, for one ('tho I do prefer it as a cola) but I just liked what they were saying.

Well they've put their considerable money where their mouth is. This year, the first time in 23 years, Pepsi will NOT run any advertisments during the SuperBowl. Which is not to say they don't have anything to launch or discuss with the upwards of 100 million sets of eyes that they COULD be infront of. They've just decided to do something else with that $12 million dollars (for just 2 60-second spots). Check THIS out ... www.refresheverything.com/?or=pusa.1159.

I'll wait while you surf.
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Ok now think about this. Rather than just saying that they'd "like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony" - yes, that's a poke - the folks at Pepsi are asking for ideas in YOUR town. What do YOU wanna see? What do YOU wanna make better?

So - just for asking, I'd like to say that Pepsi already won the SuperBowl ad race. Could this backfire? Sure - of course it could. But it's not as 'tho they'll lose ALL their market by not broadcasting during the SuperBowl. And hey - they can always do it again next year. But it takes a large set of ... nerves ... to do what they're planning on doing.

And that's refreshing as heck to me.

May you grow up to be righteous.
May you grow up to be true.
May you always know the truth,
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong.
May you stay forever young.
May you stay forever young.

Have A Nice Day

A warm blanket, purchased more than a year ago by a loved one.
A large mug filled with hot chocolate that was made *just* *for* *you*.
A bowl of cinnamon oatmeal with dried cranberries.
A book you've been meaning to read.
A seat on a very comfortable couch.
A cat purring softly next to your ear as she soaks up the sunlight streaming through the window.

In a little while, I'll venture outside and do some tasks that should be done ... but not quite yet.

Do The Right Thing

I've very recently been presented with the opportunity to do something ... not very honest. Not unusual, but just not 100% on the up and up. It has to do with automobile insurance and I'm just gonna leave it at that.

I'm not taking the dis-honest route. I'm taking the "I'm gonna do the right and honest thing here with the hopes that everyone else involved will, too" and - at this point - the jury has been out on how that's been working for me.

Until last Friday, I was feeling very good about things. In fact, the only negative thing about the whole experience is the apparent lack-of-my-well-being from "the others side" of things. Everyone I've talked to - folks I've done business with, people I have business relationships with, and honestly even those who have NO horse in the race - have all asked how I have been doing. Every single person, without exception, has offered some version of "are you alright?" ... a general show of concern. Everyone, that is, except for anyone from the OTHER side of the fence.

Now - I TOTALLY get that it's possible some sue-happy types might view a phrase like "are you ok?" as some sort of convoluted expression of guilt. Really, I understand that completely. The only profession that is more common than hit-and-run lawyers in California would be out-of-work actors. So I understand the hesitation from "the other side" to say anything that would be self-incriminating or maybe even be hinting at self-incriminating. That being said - we're all human here and I think we should take that into account. Asking if another human is alright - after an accident, a loss, a bad day, whatever - doesn't mean the person asking is saying "gosh - totally my fault - terribly sorry about what I did". I mean ... that's why it's called an accident, isn't it? Otherwise ... well ... otherwise I guess I'd be saying that I was involved in a purpose.

As I said above, up until last Friday, I was feeling really good about taking the 100% honest road. It was that afternoon when I received a call from "the other sides" contracted adjustment office. This office is NOT employed by "the other side" ... it's just the contractor that they use. (This makes total sense to me - after all, we all have our specialities. I wouldn't want my dentist to be in charge of my grocery store cart, for instance, even 'tho he'd like to see less junk food in it.) So there's a very thin dotted line between this contractor - who will call "Smith Associates" - and the other side. Smith gets paid no matter what his findings are so he has very little involvement, really.

Anyway, Megan from Smith's offices called me to set up an appointment for someone from their offices to come do an assessment. I said that was fine. Megan then said "ok so how does February 17th look for you?" and I said that'd be fine and that I'd like a morning appointment, if possible. I also requested that I not be asked to drive into the city. Megan said "oh wait - not February 17th ... I meant the 1st. Gosh - ha! - anyway, how does this Monday look for you?" I inhaled briefly before saying that the 1st was also alright but that I still wanted to know where, exactly, I was expected to be showing up.

"We'll be coming to you, actually. So you don't have to go anywhere at all!" was the unexpected response. "Oh - well that's easy enough" I said, pleasantly surprised. "Yes" said Megan "we just need to know where the vehicle will be - yanno, like a parking lot or a driveway - and when we're done reviewing it, we'll leave a business card on it for you ..."

"Uh - no", I said, rather abruptly. "No - I will be there with the vehicle in my driveway and will be totally available to answer any questions, thanks. Can you please let me know who I should be expecting to visit?"

"Oh" said Megan. "Oh well ... um ... ok. We'll be there between 12:30pm and 1:30pm. Now - will the vehicle be in a parking lot or a driveway or on the street?"

"No" I said again. "I'm sorry but I don't think I know who I'm expecting yet, and I've told you that it is a driveway. A private driveway next to my home. And I assure you that if someone is walking up my driveway to show an interest in my vehicle that I will most certainly be there and will want to know who it is I should be expecting."

"Oh I see" said Megan. And then she said "well let me check the schedule here ..." ... which REALLY made me wonder what she'd been looking at up until that point. After all, she called me to schedule a visit, yanno? If I'd called her, that would be understandable but heck - she was calling me. What had she been looking at up until that point - an abacus?

Over a few more back-and-forths like those above, it was determined that Mr. Smith himself would be visiting between 12:30pm and 1:30pm on Monday. I was a bit put off by just HOW disorganized the call had been handled - and again the lack of any type of concern for my well-being - but at least I knew the "where", "who", "what", and "why" of the appointment now.

Flash forward:

Today I'm in my coffee shop when my phone rings. It is Megan - calling to confirm Mr. Smith's appointment with me. "Right", I say "between 12:30pm and 1:30pm today."

"Uhhhhhmmmmmm ... " says Megan.

"Well that WAS what ya' told me during our conversation Friday afternoon. I'm only going by that" I say, not making any attempt to hide any displeasure in my voice. "Hmmmmm I wrote down 12:00 Noon to 1:30 ... " says Megan. "That's fine", I say. "I can be sure to be home by that time." "Oh! So you'll be there?" says Megan, with utter surprise in her voice. "Yes Ma'am I certainly will be, just like I originally said I would." (Yes, I "ma'am"ed her. At this point, I was more than unamused so she earned that "ma'am".) Megan blithely continued with "... and will the car be parked on the street or in a driveway?"

I sighed. I sighed hard.

"No - as I said on Friday - the car will be in a private driveway directly next to my home. Mr. Smith is welcome to pull into that." All good feelings about doing things the honest, non-attorney way were dwindling down as the conversation continued. Megan said "Oh - OK - well that will work" but I could hardly hear her over the sounds of a keyboard being typed on hurriedly.

And, since there was a lull in the conversation, and since Megan didn't exactly strike me as the type who could multi-task well, I decided to add this: "None of what I've said is new information, ya' know?" Megan, still typing away furiously, said "oh - well - yes, I see it all in this report now." I decided to end the call with one last confirmation, just in case I'd lost her somewhere along the way. "Fine so I'll expect him from Noon onwards then." Megan agreed and we hung up.

It's now 12:30pm. Jake is at the end of my driveway, next to my kitchen window. His car cover is on and locked. One can tell that this is Jake because the car cover has his name, sprayed in large black letters across the back. One can also see his license plate with the cover on, so I don't expect there to be any issues with Mr. Smith knowing he's in the right driveway at the right home. I have met with a local recommended body shop, who will be more than happy to do the repair, and I have the name of a highly recommended attorney, as a "just in case" measure from my repair shop, which they insisted I take. I have also charged my camera completely and will be videotaping the entire procedure. And if Mr. Smith is uncomfortable with me doing things MY way, I will ask him if he is alright.

Because he is human. And asking if he's ok is NOT accepting guilt or offering an apology ... it is simply the right thing to do.