10 Miles of Crazy into a 5 Foot Looney Bin

I remember learning, perhaps 25 years ago or more, that a study was done on how women and men give directions. I'm paraphrasing GREATLY (and cannot find the source to name) but the conclusion was that men give directions by distance and women give directions by landmarks. The study found, I suppose, that men don't generally pay all that much attention as to what is around them but rather where they are going - and women are more aware of what is around them (and note where they can ask for directions) but are not so great at measuring distance.

The folks doing this study asked participants how they'd drive home, I guess and the men would say "go two miles on the interstate, exit at Main, turn left and go about 700 yards." The women would say "go 6 exits on the freeway, exit at the gas station, turn towards the nail salon and it's just past the coffee shop."

I'll interject here by saying the obvious ... that these above statements are HUGE generalizations. But that I believe in them. I am a horrid judge of distance, time, weight, length, age, cost ... pretty much if there's a number attached to something, I'm gonna be awful at guessing it. So when I called a company recently to rent a storage facility crate, I was going on the mercy of the individual at the other end of the phone. "That sounds like you'll need just one vault then - terrific. That'll be easy" said the voice with confidence. Me, I wasn't so sure.

After we concluded the transaction, I took my handy roll of masking tape and my marker and headed to the garage. I now have tape all over the floor and walls with markers of labels like "in trouble at this point", "really - maybe throw some more stuff out" and "uh oh - you gotta ship this."

I won't know until later this week if I've measured correctly. What I do know is that I'm a very good packer (but a not-so-great labeler). The only thing that I really won't have room for are the moving pads, but I honestly don't think that anything will have room to shift once I get it into the vault. I also know that I'll be the only one to witness the opening of the said vault so if I'm wrong on the shifting, no one will hear me say "damn - really shoulda shipped that."

A New Place For My "Stuff"

Over the past couple of years, I've tried to reduce the amount of general "stuff" that I have. If you'd asked me three months ago if I had been successful in my quest, I would have said that yes, I had been. Now - I know better.

It is amazing - and a bit sickening - to me just how many material possessions I have. While I always have believed in being comfortable in ones surroundings, this is ridiculous. I have more than 75lbs of CDs. I have to believe that I have that many pounds of DVDs too - possibly more. Don't even TALK to me about clothing ... or hats ... or earrings ... coats ... belts. (I can't even remember the last time I WORE a belt - but I have more than half a dozen of 'em, "just in case".) Today I unearthed every single paycheck I'd ever earned from a job I had in the '80s. My shredder ate so much I had to give it some Tums.

And books!! Gosh, if I had the ability to actually remember the things I've read, I'd be thrilled. ("Books", by the way, doesn't cover "cookbooks" ... which is a whole different kind of evil.) I can say that I don't really have much in the way of "collections", save for the works of my favorite comic strip artist and my favorite animated character. But I make up for that in sooooooo many other ways.

Next week, whatever "stuff" I decide I cannot be comfortable without will be moving to a new location. My short-term goal is to not overwhelm myself or those around me as these items find their place in my new home. My longer-term goal is to never again unearth paychecks that are 20+years old. (Seriously - that's just embarrassing.)

The Princess And The Poo

It started to come to me while I was dumping a bag of coffee grounds into the mulcher alongside my Mom's greenhouse. It arrived in full bloom as I was adding shovelfuls of dried chicken droppings on top of the grounds.

I may not fit any one exact image that someone would have of me.

Then again, I don't think most people have only one side to themselves. This may be why I'm not a huge fan of the idea of the whole "online" thing. I mean, even here - I only show what I want to have seen. I realize that. I have no problems with sharing stories that make me appear klutzy or occasionally slow, but even those are still edited down to what I decide to show. Sometimes I'm on target and other times ... well, even I miss now and again.

Growing up, my favorite past-times involved playing with our goats in the empty lot next-door, climbing trees, and checking out the creek for frogs and cool rocks. In spending more time at my childhood stomping grounds lately, I see young children playing in a "virtual" swimming pool (while the very real one in their backyard goes ignored), climbing rock walls at their gym sessions (in-between their music and self-defense classes) , and checking out their friends latest online updates. The field at my elementary school that nearly killed our tiny little legs to run across has been paved over to add a drive-around so that one doesn't have to get out of their vehicle to pick up their child.

Do I think children today are more harmed than helped by available technology? Depends on what day you ask me. I think that the systems and databases available to children today can be a HUGE benefit to them. They can seek answers to their own questions. They can explore other cities, states, countries in their own living rooms. They can also be exposed to things that they're perhaps not yet prepared to experience ... things that their parents are not yet prepared to explain. I think that children today are both harmed AND helped what what's "out there".

And it's that "out there" part that got me reflecting back on who my "online me" is. Sometimes I think I'm pretty close to an accurate representation. Other times, I'll look back and think "hmmm ... I dunno. I'm coming across as a real princess here". (I realize that I may have been in "princess mode" at the time I wrote that, too.) Either way, I'd be willing to be that most folks wouldn't imagine that the princess would ever spend an hour shoveling chicken shit into a bucket.
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(Credit where it is due: Today's title was suggested to me by the Awesome Boyfriend, who also reminded me that I'm a princess who DOES wash windows.)

Bring On The Metaphives!

September may be a "quiet blog period" for me.

Not because I have nothing to say - but because I just wouldn't know where to start. I have a list (in my head thus far, shortly to be put to paper) of things I need to accomplish in less than 21 days. There are times that this list washes over the top of my head and threatens to drown me - and there are times when I realize that the "must do" part of this list is actually pretty short.

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I'm a list-maker. There's something ... calming? ... about starting with a whole mess of things that are in your head, writing them down, and then seeing some of them have an order to them ("I can't do 'B' if I haven't yet done 'A'"), and then checking them as done, or - better still - crossing them off and seeing that you've made progress.

I've recently crossed off an item that's been on one of my lists for decades. It wasn't an item from a "must do" list - it was more of a "I owe it to myself to try to accomplish this" sort of an list. And even 'tho it was originally scheduled for Tuesday the 1st and I didn't get around to attempting to do it until Saturday the 5th, I did attempt it. And better than that - I achieved it. And BEST of all? I achieved it next to (and probably BECAUSE of) the man I love, who supported me throughout, who never lost confidence in me, who understood my fear without understanding why I was afraid.

In our time together, we have followed the signs, walked the narrow path, climbed down (and then back up) the mountain, stayed up late and slept in all day, saw the forest AND the trees, jumped feet first into the water, laughed until we cried, stood on the edge of cliffs, crossed that bridge ... annnnnnnnd any other metaphors ya' can think of ... and our reward was we have created memory after amazing memory. In fact, in reviewing the list, we've kinda run out of metaphors.

I think we should move to metaphives.