... And Remember To Turn Off The Lights When Ya' Leave.

I wasn't gonna say anything about this because, honestly, I figured no one would notice. I'm amazed - and pleased - to know I was wrong.

I've had more than a handful of folks ask me "what are the jam flavors gonna be this year?" The reason I don't have a response, even 'tho "jamming day" is just around the corner, is that I've decided to push out release day.

You see, the owner - as well as the manufacturing, research & development, marketing, sales, and public relations teams - are all going on vacation ... an official "pack a bag and cancel the newspaper" type vacation.

So, Research and Development will start work on the FMD '09 flavor line-up upon their return. The owner is under the impression that Manufacturing will commence mid-month, and Marketing has already told Sales that Public Relations will continue with the "free with a donation to your favorite charity or random good deed" drive that was so successful in '08.
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All of which is basically my way of saying "everyone be good to each other and to yourselves and I'll be back in a couple of weeks."

How I Don't Order Flowers

When I placed my order for flowers today, my office-neighbor noticed the information I didn't give. I didn't think much of it until I started reviewing the exchange of information in my head. I didn't give an address for delivery. I didn't give any information on what account to bill against. I never said my name ('tho my florist greeted me by my name). I never gave a name to be written on the outside of the envelope (beyond "Mom and Dad"). I never said what I was asking to be delivered. I didn't say what I wanted to spend on the order. And, for that matter, I never asked for a total, either.

In fact, when the florist answered the phone, the conversation went like this:
"Hi Pete - will you have some time to visit the Corvette and the dogs tomorrow? .... Yep, that's right, the annual order. ... Sure 'Thanks for the birthday' will work. ... Ha - they'd BETTER know who it's from! ... Ok, I'll be by for the receipt later this week. ... Remember, they're early risers so you can knock this one out early and then get on with your day. ... Great thanks."

And *that*, folks, is why Pete gets my business. I'd like to see "One Eight-hundred Blossoms" match that kind of service.

Time After Time Traveling

Oh sure, musically I know what you're thinking. You've travelled to 1984 with Cyndi Lauper, or maybe you're in 2000 looking at Eva Cassidy's album, or heck - maybe ya' stopped off in 1991 to visit Ozzy Osbourne. Nope nope and nope.

I'm talking about 1947. Yeah - betcha didn't go there, huh? It was introduced to the general population by this guy Frank something or another (had a nickname of "Blue Eyes" I think), and it's been covered by Judy Garland, Shirley Bassey, James Brown, Carol Burnett, The Temptations and a few hundred other folks that maybe ya' know about.

For your musical enjoyment today, I give you "Time After Time", words and music by Sammy Cohen and Jule Styne, and sung - quite nicely, I must say - by Carly Simon.

I Swear

Today while talking with my guy, I found myself enjoying a specific rant during which I successfully dropped the word "craptastic". As someone that very rarely swears, allow me to share just how extremely satisfying it felt to say this word. Strangely so. In fact, it felt so satisfying that I even stopped mid-rant and said "wow that felt REALLY good".

Growing up, my sister and I learned maaaaaaaaany words that we probably shouldn't have known at that age. Some we probably shouldn't know now. I can't say that she was a prolific potty mouth as a child, 'though ... but that's ok - I more than made up for it.

Because of the amount of time I spent in arm casts or in speech therapy, I guess something in me learned to be ... "pre-defensive" (not "offensive"). "Pre-defensive" behavior is when one puts oneself in ones place before someone else can do it for them. If I laugh at me first, then you laughing at me won't hurt (as much). And so I would describe the latest klutzy thing I'd done or the joke my sister had played on me in just the most foul and the most "blue" words my tiny little 4th-grade mind could come up with. (I wish I were exaggerating *just how young* I was, but I vividly remember relating such a story on the swings at my elementary school.)

I outgrew the need to use such shocking language just as the rest of my friends were discovering the power it could have. I found new words to use, realizing that expanding my own vocabulary took a few more braincells than constantly referring to the same swear words over and over. I still use this method of communicating today but for a different reason. If I come across a word or phrase I cannot easily spell, I simply use another word or phrase that I can. I'll still look up the original word and I'll try to learn the spelling but my brain is a better thesaurus than it is a dictionary.

I won't say that I don't swear at all because ... well, my guy has heard my mouth when I'm behind the wheel. But finding a good "chewy" word like that at the right time just felt craptacular!!

Judgment of An Angel

(Some folks write for other people. I write for myself. I wrote this nearly a month ago and I wrote it quickly and rather ... angrily. Each time I see it as "draft" in my dashboard, I find myself reading it and 'tho I know I wrote it with fire, I wouldn't classify it as a rant post so much as a reminder post. I've decided to hit the "publish post" button, perhaps to share the reminder, perhaps not. After all, it's still just me writing for myself.)

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I think I've written about this particular movie quote before - so apologies in advance. In "All Of Me", Steve Martin plays a lawyer (I think, if memory serves) who, through a very strange set of events, becomes the host-body to Lily Tomlin's character Edwina, a recently passed very wealthy woman. When Edwina sees that she has"landed" in Steve Martin's body, she delivers the following line with the perfect sneer: "I can't believe this. I can't even die right.

Anna Nicole Smith. Christopher Reeve. JonBenet Ramsey. George Harrison. Diana Spencer, Princess of Wales. Ray Charles. John F. Kennedy. Randy Pausch. And, while we're at it - Michael J. Fox. Christina Applegate. Patrick Swayze. Sheryl Crow. Daniel Hauser. Farrah Fawcett.

Some are gone. Some are not. Some lingered with us. Some left in an instant. Some are still fighting. Some no longer need to fight. Some had always been in our sight. Some we only learned of after they passed. There may be a name or two up there you don't recognize and I encourage you to do your own research if you wanna see what's been said. I've chosen the name of the person I want to comment about.

Her role in the show made us see was "the pretty one", as 'tho somehow we wouldn't have otherwise noticed. She had the perfect hair. She flashed the impossible smile. She was "the star" on the poster in pretty much every young boys bedroom for a time. She had the incredible husband and then, later in life, the undeniably handsome boyfriend. She whispered with the ridiculous speaking voice. She was totally unknown and then completely unavoidable. She was taken seriously only after she dared to try to look horrible for a role and, even then, not taken all that seriously (and didn't look all that horrible).

Her health matters became public discussion only because of of the greed of a horrid human being. Remember that part. She was living fairly quietly and dealing with things out of the spotlight, by her own choice. She could have gone public with the news that the remainder of her days would be challenging, but she didn't. Instead, that very decision - one of the very last choices she'd have any say in - was taken away from her. How very hideous.

Then as if things weren't deluded enough, her decisions as to how to face things were triple-guessed by total strangers and dissected as though opinions outside her circle mattered. "Experts" who had never met her, who had no access to any of her medical files whatsoever, were interviewed for their educated responses as to how she was "really doing". And, when she finally decided to address everything ... even that decision was thrown under the microscope. As far as some are concerned, she can't even die right.

So tell me, Dick and Jane ... you who have never faced anything even close to the nightmare that she gets to (maybe) live and (hopefully) face every day, what makes you believe you have a tight enough grip on things that you could attempt to finish the sentence "if I were her, I would __________". Because I'll let ya' in on a little secret ... there isn't a right way. Believe me on this because my answer to what I would do - even having faced it now ... twice - changes each time I think on it.

And I'll tell ya' something else, too - if you, or I, were her? Well see - the truth of the matter is that no one beyond our family and friends would give a steamin' hot liquid damn as to what we'd do (pssssst - which is how it SHOULD be).

So tell ya' what ... you all do whatever you wanna do (because see - you have that choice after all) and go and tell everyone what your perfect reaction to such a imperfect situation would be. But ... just so you know? As I lay my head down to sleep tonight, I'm gonna thank the stars, the moon - and yes, the angels above - that none of us are Farrah.

What A Difference A Decade Makes

The Plan:
Leave work early Thursday afternoon for some "fun" shopping.
Order take-out that I've been craving.
Take a long evening shower to "get the work week" outta my shoulders and back.
Enjoy some after-dinner late night reading.
Turn off the alarm before going to bed because I could sleep in today.
Take extra time this morning to straighten my hair.
Arrive organized and relaxed for the 9:30am appointment.
Go to work afterwards.

The Reality:
Left work early Thursday afternoon for some "fun" shopping.
Arrived home and started to feel not-so-great.
Ordered take-out that I wasn't up to eating by the time it arrived.
Showered - and the water temperature on my body was too warm for my head.
Went to bed at 8:30pm.
Woke up with a banging migraine at 1:30am.
Took migraine pills.
Padded into kitchen for ice pack (which, by the way, was no fun to sleep on).
Was awake until 4:30am.
Finally got out of bed at 8:00am.
Bathroom mirror reveled that ice pack left really great lines on my cheek. Yay!
Took extra time this morning to unknot my hair, which spent all night in a damp towel.
Arrived in time for the 9:30am appointment ... at the DMV.

The Back Story:
I currently hold one of the 20 best best drivers license photos ever taken. Hands down, it is my personal best photo. However, it is a decade old and my state decided an update was in order. When I took this photo in 1999, the guy behind the lens said "awww come on I just KNOW you can do better than THAT" after the first attempt, which made me laugh and he pressed the button again and *flash* that was my photo. I didn't plan it at all and when I opened the mail and saw it printed, I thought "I never ever want to take another photograph ever."

The UpShot:
I wasn't diagnosed with migraines in 1999... hangovers yes, migraines no. I didn't straighten my hair then either. I wouldn't have been able to get to sleep at 8:30pm if my life had depended on it. Any "sleep mark lines" on my face would disappear before I'd see them in a mirror. Showers were taken in order to get clean, not as a relaxation method. Oh, and in 1999, I'm certain my freezer had NO ice packs.

The Result:
Remains to be seen. Eagerly remains to be seen.

The Sexiest Nerds On TV

Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state.
Then, nearly fourteen billion years ago, expansion started – wait!
The Earth began to cool.
The autotrophs began to drool.
Neanderthals developed tools.
We built a wall.
We built the pyramids.
Math. Science. History.
Unraveling the mystery that all started with

Sammy, The Lovable Pig

I'm neither a cat nor a dog person. I am an animal person. Cats, dogs, birds, fish, horses, goats, rabbits, ponies ... you name it, I've cleaned up after it. I think that each person at some point in their lives has THEIR animal. My mom was closest to a cat we had. My dad had his dog. My sister had Samson.

Ahhh Samson. It was obvious when she started doing research after giving up her bulldog that my sister was gonna get another "drool-based" dog. She has a thing for jowls, I guess. And she's trusting enough that when breeders reassure her "oh but this animal doesn't drool anymore", she actually believes them.

God, the shoelaces ... the utter slime ... the MILES of goo that came from this animal was just endless. If there was a surface nearby and he had just had water, that surface was GONNA have LAKES of ... glop. And while I can clean up hot cat vomit without gagging, I don't deal well with ... mouth-snot.

But kind? Patient? Mellow? Even when my nieces would use Sammy's tail as a handle and have him drag them down the hall, it never occurred to him to snap or growl or even glance sideways at 'em. He was 180 pounds of pure love.

Was. This past month, the decision that had been dreaded for so long finally needed to be made. And because my sister and I *always* had animals, she was able to make the right call at the right time. All that remains now are the questions from my nieces ... "But WHERE did he go?" and "When can we visit him?" and "Did Sammy have Swine Flu?"

Yeah - my sister was ready for all the questions ... except for that one. "Uh - hunny? Why do you ask that?"

"Well", says daughter #1, "'cause sometimes when he'd shake his head and sling his spit all over, you'd call him a lovable pig."

(As the aunt observing this, can I just say that I looooooove that my nieces are already smarter than their mom?)

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I probably won't be able to watch when he gets his head shaved, 'tho ... all those perfectly coifed, luscious little follicles being lopped off like that *sniff* oh the humanity …

It's In The Cards

I spent about 2 hours in a mall yesterday. Not exactly a new experience, I realize. It is just your average mall - with the various department stores and the food court and the teeny-bopper places, etc. I was there to get a new battery for my watch and, knowing I'd need to wait for the replacement to be installed, I wandered into the card store.

Now I can spend money with the very best of 'em. If I'm in the right mood and properly motivated ... I've gotten calls from my bank in the past wondering if it was really possible to visit, shop, and buy in 8 different stores in 25 minutes. (Possible? Hell yes, it's possible. I would hit the 9th too but I decided to get a hot chocolate instead.)

But card shops? Oh man - that's a whole 'nuther kind of addiction for me. How bad is it? I use cards as bookmarks. Cards that I bought because the photo on the front caught my eye. Because the saying was appropriate. Because I couldn't decide between these three cards and ah hell, just get all three. I have about four Mothers Day cards - right now in my collection - that are identical. Why would I do that? Because the card caught me so off-guard and was so damned funny that I bought the whole stack of 'em. My Mom gets a random non-May based "Mothers Day" card from me about twice a year. I even told her when I gave her the first card a couple of years ago - "I hope this card makes you giggle 'cause you're gonna be seeing it a LOT".

So I'm in the card shop - and I have Fathers Day and two birthdays to buy cards for. One could deduce that I walked out with three cards. Yeah, right. Oh, I found "thank you" cards and "just because" cards and "cool nieces" cards and ... geez. I'll be honest - if you have a birthday and you don't get two or more cards from me? Either I've run out of stamps or the selection was just awful.

OH - and that's another thing. Finding a sincere, touching, heartfelt card for Mothers Day is a snap - finding a funny one? Damn near impossible. Finding a funny Fathers Day card - no problem. Finding a sincere, touching, heartfelt one? Yeah - lots of luck.

It's strange - finding a sincere card for my parents birthdays just isn't usual for me. Maybe every fifth birthday, they'll get a "serious" card from me. That may reflect on how I communicate with them. Even with how serious things have been in the past ... five(?) years or so, we still laugh together more than anything else. But that clearly doesn't apply across the board.

As I write this, I'm reviewing some of the other cards that I purchased (specifically the ones for my guy), and we laugh with each other ALL DAY LONG and yet the cards I've set aside to give to him are "serious". So far. I'm sure more cards are in the future.

Memories Never Made

I blame you, Mike.

Most everyone who reads this will understand the background but I'll lay it out here anyway. So there's this internet forum and there's a daily question to ponder sort of thing. Now, seven times in ten, the questions are not all that deep, but today was a "three in ten" kind of a day, and it is all Mike's fault.

He was the one who posed this: "Thinking back through your life, what one memory would you share with your significant other, that they could not experience firsthand?"

And my very first, from the hip, direct from the gut response was "meet my brother". Which is ridiculous because I don't have a brother. I had one once ... for all of just over 730 days. So I have NO idea who my brother was.

I was four years old last time I saw him. I don't even have any real memories of him, aside from the one story that I have shared so many times that it became a real memory. There was a time when I could feel his hand in mine. There was a time when I knew the shape of his glasses. When I knew the color of his shirt. There was a time when I felt him standing next to me. But - if I were being truthful, I don't think I really "remember" any of it anymore.

I'm sorry - I know that makes no sense. But have you ever been told of something you did as a kid by an older family member so many times that you THINK you remember it? It's a little bit like that, I guess.

Anyway, in taking the original question - in which we're asked to take someone in our present and bring them with us to our past, I, without hesitating, took someone from my past, and brought him to my present.

Because answering the question my way means I would get to know my brother. As an adult. He'd be in his late 30s now. I wonder if he'd live nearby. I wonder if we'd be close. If he'd be someone I could talk about cars with ... or if we'd have the same love of football. I wonder if he would have gone to college. I wonder what his laugh would sound like. I'll bet that his whole face would change when he smiled. I think he'd have contacts by now. I wonder if I'd like his wife/girlfriend/life partner. I'll bet he and my guy would hang out without my even knowing it. I can see me calling him and having him say "oh - sorry but this is a 'no girlfriends/older sisters' night".

Yep ... it's all your fault, Mike. It was your question, after all.

And I thank you for it.

"Big Whiskey" Rocks

Yesterday I picked up "Big Whiskey & The GrooGrux King" from Dave Matthews Band. Today I am suggesting you do the same.

It's a "chill and just snuggle" listen.
It's an "I can read to this" listen.
It's a "background music while cleaning the kitchen" listen.
It's a "music to drive with" listen.

Not every track will be your new favorite ... but I'll bet you'll find one or two in there.

If ya' ARE a fan, let me know whatcha' think. For me, this was worth the wait. And if you aren't a DMB fan? Well then - maybe next Tuesday will be YOUR rockin' Tuesday.

June

It was the last day of school.
It was forgetting the locker combination ... on purpose.
It was my father's birthday.
It was my aunt's birthday.
It was father's day.
It was the first day of Summer (and the loooooooongest day of the year).
It was my birthday.
It was when cousins (or children of friends of the family) graduated from schools.
It was when friends of the family (or cousins) got married ... uh, not to each other.
It was when berries ripened.
It was polliwogs in the creek.
It was when sleeping on the hammock or the porch was not just allowed but ENCOURAGED.
It was when curfews were relaxed.
It was sleepovers.
It was beach bonfires.
It was sunburns.
It was endless games of tag - and foursquare - and volleyball.
It was river rafting trips.
It was washing the car just to cool off.
It was sleeping in late ... after going to bed late.
It was music from mixed tapes.
It was homemade lemonade.
It was ice-cold melon for breakfast.
It was outdoor concerts.
It was mosquitoes.
It is spending time with the man I love ... for all the rest of my Junes.