I don't feel much like doing this, but I will ...
I'm fine.
That is to say that Tuesday went well.
Edited to read: Tuesday at the hospital went well.
That being said, "Fall To Grace" is going dark for awhile. I seem to stumble more than anything else and I no longer care to pose and pontificate as though I have any answers or that my brain vomit is fit to be shared because believe me folks, it's really, really not. I hope you'll occasionally check out the blogs that I'll continue to enjoy, as the folks behind them really do seem to provide value and perspective or at least a well needed smile or two.
Apologies if this reads a bit like a pity party, or me "taking my toys and going home". I guess if one cannot walk the walk then one should at least have the good common sense to shut the hell up. I don't seem to listen to myself - so why I'd expect anyone else to is a mystery. My ego astounds and shames me.
I wish you ... *all* of you ... peace.
Be good, take fun, and for cryin' out loud have care ... because when you don't have care, the rest really doesn't matter.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
And now - "Waiting to be stuck"
Today I:
* went to the Western Wear shop and purchased a GREAT hat and damn it all if these cute little boots managed to slip into the bag, too.
* spent half a day at the hospital, essentially signing my life away, and arranging for part 2 of my procedure for next week - which apparently "stars" a large needle and my left boob.
* went to the bookstore and purchased 5 or 6 "gosh, I wish I had" books - including "The Bro Code" which, 'tho I'm a chick, I intend to use as a guideline with the goal of helping me better understand the other half of the population.
* drank my coffee at my regular coffee shop, instead of taking it to go. After all, I spent plenty of time at home yesterday, so I wanted a change of scenery.
* had every good intention to talk to my parents, my loved ones, my friends and those that have been incredibly kind to me in 2008 to let them know about what's going on with that second "*" up there ... but I have instead turned off all phones and have given myself permission to freak out - just a little. I'll be ok tomorrow ... or Sunday.
* got a note from my favorite shipping employee at my old gig who has told me of a package that arrived from out of the country. I know what this package is, who it is from, and ... the timing is all just rather incredible.
* decided that it's time for me to visit my hair salon again - next week if I'm able to. A great hat may come in handy but as long as I have my hair, I intend to enjoy it.
* blogged ... when I SHOULD have called my parents, loved ones, friends, etc ...
* realized that I'm scared, excited, tired, jubilant, hopeful, and at peace all at once. I will let all of these feelings and emotions wash over me, as they occur.
I may go offline for a bit - or I may be so nervous that I don't. Please note that I'm currently fine, I have every intention of being fine next week, and I have a ever-growing staff of doctors and nurses who intend to help me redefine "fine" from here on out.
I will continue to fall to grace.
* went to the Western Wear shop and purchased a GREAT hat and damn it all if these cute little boots managed to slip into the bag, too.
* spent half a day at the hospital, essentially signing my life away, and arranging for part 2 of my procedure for next week - which apparently "stars" a large needle and my left boob.
* went to the bookstore and purchased 5 or 6 "gosh, I wish I had" books - including "The Bro Code" which, 'tho I'm a chick, I intend to use as a guideline with the goal of helping me better understand the other half of the population.
* drank my coffee at my regular coffee shop, instead of taking it to go. After all, I spent plenty of time at home yesterday, so I wanted a change of scenery.
* had every good intention to talk to my parents, my loved ones, my friends and those that have been incredibly kind to me in 2008 to let them know about what's going on with that second "*" up there ... but I have instead turned off all phones and have given myself permission to freak out - just a little. I'll be ok tomorrow ... or Sunday.
* got a note from my favorite shipping employee at my old gig who has told me of a package that arrived from out of the country. I know what this package is, who it is from, and ... the timing is all just rather incredible.
* decided that it's time for me to visit my hair salon again - next week if I'm able to. A great hat may come in handy but as long as I have my hair, I intend to enjoy it.
* blogged ... when I SHOULD have called my parents, loved ones, friends, etc ...
* realized that I'm scared, excited, tired, jubilant, hopeful, and at peace all at once. I will let all of these feelings and emotions wash over me, as they occur.
I may go offline for a bit - or I may be so nervous that I don't. Please note that I'm currently fine, I have every intention of being fine next week, and I have a ever-growing staff of doctors and nurses who intend to help me redefine "fine" from here on out.
I will continue to fall to grace.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Still stuck ... the update
Yeah, I know, it's only been a few hours. What can I say - boredom does strange things to a human. I spent my time on this interweb thingy and dug DEEP into another person's blog.
I learned that I cry far too easily.
I laugh out loud even when I'm alone.
My musical tastes aren't that strange after all.
I am, for all practical purposes, a fairly positive individual.
I am not now, nor have I ever been, "brave".
I am VERY naive - or not very observant - about things that I "think" I know.
I am still remarkably shallow. (This one in particular REALLY bums me out.)
Oh - and I can't write worth a damn.
But other than that, I'm a fairly positive individual.
I learned that I cry far too easily.
I laugh out loud even when I'm alone.
My musical tastes aren't that strange after all.
I am, for all practical purposes, a fairly positive individual.
I am not now, nor have I ever been, "brave".
I am VERY naive - or not very observant - about things that I "think" I know.
I am still remarkably shallow. (This one in particular REALLY bums me out.)
Oh - and I can't write worth a damn.
But other than that, I'm a fairly positive individual.
Stuck inside these four walls
The new owners of the place where I currently rest my weary head are an ambitious lot. I'm used to doing stuff on my own that usually renters just wouldn't do - replace old screens on doors and windows, faucet work in the kitchen, that kind of stuff.
My home repair items got a little more ambitious after my Katrina recovery work, when I realized that I was (1) good at manual labor and (b) I enjoyed manual labor. As such, I've re-caulked the entire shower and tub, replaced doorknobs and, when I realized that I REALLY disliked the split-door that separated the dining room from the kitchen, I just removed it totally and put it in the garage.
Now, ya' may be thinking "geez - she must live in a total dump to have to do all that stuff" but - point of information - I've lived here for more than 14 years. And the previous owners/landlords were two brothers in their late 60s who lived about 100 miles away and they inherited the building from their mother. They never wanted to be landlords, which is good 'cause while they were nice guys, they were kinda not-so-great at the whole "lording over the lands" thing.
The new owners, however, have taken an active interest in their purchase. They've owned this space for less than 30 days, and have already redone the landscaping, installed a watering system for whatever they decide to plant eventually, replaced all the garage doors (which is still a head-scratcher for me as there was nothing wrong with the old ones), and today, they're having the building water blasted and prepared for painting, which they expect to have occur tomorrow and throughout the weekend.
Since I had to move Jake out of the driveway prior to the work crew arriving, I made sure to get my morning coffee earlier than usual and did my best to prepare the indoor cat (aka "Big Cat #1") for the strange noises that lay ahead. The outdoor/indoor cat (aka "Tiny Cat #2") took far more convincing. (Trying to cajole a cat to come inside all day when it is sunny and warm outside is a patience-sucking task indeed.)
The crew started by sealing off all the windows with plastic and began to lightly sand and brush the obvious stuff away. ( I guess that huge garden spider who lives underneath the roof line on the back deck will NOT be around anymore.) No one indoors was bothered by the sounds, until about 9:30am, when Tiny Cat #2 requested to be let out. Actually - no - scratch that.
Demanded. She demanded to be let out. I tried playing with her, which worked for about 4 minutes. I tried bribing her with treats, which worked for about 3 minutes. I tried reasoning with her, which she scoffed at. Finally, with her meowing to each and every thing I said, I tossed her into the bedroom where Big Cat #1 lay comatose.
When I checked 14 minutes later, everyone was passed out. I had won.
Around Noon after the mailman came by, I opened the door only to realize that all the doors were also sealed up in plastic. Trapped. *gasp* All day.
Now, I've had days where I've decided to just hide out - but I can't recall not having the option to go out and do things. Without relying on my own vehicles, I can still walk to get an ice cream, or grab a bus to a bookstore, or call a friend for a mid-morning coffee run. And I didn't want to do those things ... until now.
Now I wanna go to the Western wear shop that I knew as a child but haven't been to in years and see if they still carry those cowboy hats I've always wanted but never got around to getting for myself. Now I wanna go get an ice cream and eat it while strolling through downtown, maybe stopping to sit on a bench while folks go about their business. Now I wanna go put air in the tires of that bike that's been in my garage for more than a decade and take it for a spin.
Guess Tiny Cat #2 had the right idea all along, but let's not tell her. She's still asleep and I don't wanna argue with her anymore today if possible.
My home repair items got a little more ambitious after my Katrina recovery work, when I realized that I was (1) good at manual labor and (b) I enjoyed manual labor. As such, I've re-caulked the entire shower and tub, replaced doorknobs and, when I realized that I REALLY disliked the split-door that separated the dining room from the kitchen, I just removed it totally and put it in the garage.
Now, ya' may be thinking "geez - she must live in a total dump to have to do all that stuff" but - point of information - I've lived here for more than 14 years. And the previous owners/landlords were two brothers in their late 60s who lived about 100 miles away and they inherited the building from their mother. They never wanted to be landlords, which is good 'cause while they were nice guys, they were kinda not-so-great at the whole "lording over the lands" thing.
The new owners, however, have taken an active interest in their purchase. They've owned this space for less than 30 days, and have already redone the landscaping, installed a watering system for whatever they decide to plant eventually, replaced all the garage doors (which is still a head-scratcher for me as there was nothing wrong with the old ones), and today, they're having the building water blasted and prepared for painting, which they expect to have occur tomorrow and throughout the weekend.
Since I had to move Jake out of the driveway prior to the work crew arriving, I made sure to get my morning coffee earlier than usual and did my best to prepare the indoor cat (aka "Big Cat #1") for the strange noises that lay ahead. The outdoor/indoor cat (aka "Tiny Cat #2") took far more convincing. (Trying to cajole a cat to come inside all day when it is sunny and warm outside is a patience-sucking task indeed.)
The crew started by sealing off all the windows with plastic and began to lightly sand and brush the obvious stuff away. ( I guess that huge garden spider who lives underneath the roof line on the back deck will NOT be around anymore.) No one indoors was bothered by the sounds, until about 9:30am, when Tiny Cat #2 requested to be let out. Actually - no - scratch that.
Demanded. She demanded to be let out. I tried playing with her, which worked for about 4 minutes. I tried bribing her with treats, which worked for about 3 minutes. I tried reasoning with her, which she scoffed at. Finally, with her meowing to each and every thing I said, I tossed her into the bedroom where Big Cat #1 lay comatose.
When I checked 14 minutes later, everyone was passed out. I had won.
Around Noon after the mailman came by, I opened the door only to realize that all the doors were also sealed up in plastic. Trapped. *gasp* All day.
Now, I've had days where I've decided to just hide out - but I can't recall not having the option to go out and do things. Without relying on my own vehicles, I can still walk to get an ice cream, or grab a bus to a bookstore, or call a friend for a mid-morning coffee run. And I didn't want to do those things ... until now.
Now I wanna go to the Western wear shop that I knew as a child but haven't been to in years and see if they still carry those cowboy hats I've always wanted but never got around to getting for myself. Now I wanna go get an ice cream and eat it while strolling through downtown, maybe stopping to sit on a bench while folks go about their business. Now I wanna go put air in the tires of that bike that's been in my garage for more than a decade and take it for a spin.
Guess Tiny Cat #2 had the right idea all along, but let's not tell her. She's still asleep and I don't wanna argue with her anymore today if possible.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Ya' don't say?
Ok so you've just come across an individual who has, somehow, worked your very last nerve. Either they've stepped on your toes at work, they've cut in front of you in the coffee line, they've flipped you off for some unknown reason in traffic, whatever. Maybe, in fact, you live with this person and they've said (or done) something that just has caught you briefly thinking some not-very-loving stuff.
Obviously, depending on who this person is (your boss, your sibling, your child, a total stranger) and the circumstances (face-to-face, e-mail communication, separate cars), your reaction will vary. For our purposes, let's use the "total stranger cutting in front of you in the coffee line" scenario.
Do you say anything at all? Do you politely bite your tongue and think "maybe they're on the way to the hospital for something awful"? Do you remind yourself "aw hell - big picture so I wait an extra 90 seconds"? Do you fake-cough, hoping they realize on their own what they've done so they can say "oh my - I'm so sorry. Are you in line?" and you can respond with something fabulously gracious like "I am, but it's fine. Please - go ahead" which you'll smile about later, when you realize that you took the high road AND did a good deed all in one.
On a related note, when you do have a confrontation like any of the things I've described above, how long does it take for you to come up with a response? Now typically, I go to humor, usually with a healthy dose of biting sarcasm and a complete lack of honest sincerity - something that says "yeah, you've pissed me off, but I either don't know you at all and don't care, or I know you well enough that this will pass in just a few minutes". It's a recipe that's worked for me for quite awhile now. Sadly, these witty, sarcastic, insincere responses tend to arrive about 40 minutes AFTER I require them. Sure, now and again I can pull one out at the moment it is needed - but more often than not, that's not how it goes. The fresh snappy comebacks take longer to bake.
Which is why I'm kinda waiting for someone to piss me off. I've got a wonderful lil' gem just waiting to be served. The bummer is that I'll have problems saying it with a straight face, 'cause I'll just be so glad to finally deliver it. So - until that happens - let's hear your favorite "snappy comeback" lines. (Feel free to include a description of when/where you used it, if you'd like.)
Obviously, depending on who this person is (your boss, your sibling, your child, a total stranger) and the circumstances (face-to-face, e-mail communication, separate cars), your reaction will vary. For our purposes, let's use the "total stranger cutting in front of you in the coffee line" scenario.
Do you say anything at all? Do you politely bite your tongue and think "maybe they're on the way to the hospital for something awful"? Do you remind yourself "aw hell - big picture so I wait an extra 90 seconds"? Do you fake-cough, hoping they realize on their own what they've done so they can say "oh my - I'm so sorry. Are you in line?" and you can respond with something fabulously gracious like "I am, but it's fine. Please - go ahead" which you'll smile about later, when you realize that you took the high road AND did a good deed all in one.
On a related note, when you do have a confrontation like any of the things I've described above, how long does it take for you to come up with a response? Now typically, I go to humor, usually with a healthy dose of biting sarcasm and a complete lack of honest sincerity - something that says "yeah, you've pissed me off, but I either don't know you at all and don't care, or I know you well enough that this will pass in just a few minutes". It's a recipe that's worked for me for quite awhile now. Sadly, these witty, sarcastic, insincere responses tend to arrive about 40 minutes AFTER I require them. Sure, now and again I can pull one out at the moment it is needed - but more often than not, that's not how it goes. The fresh snappy comebacks take longer to bake.
Which is why I'm kinda waiting for someone to piss me off. I've got a wonderful lil' gem just waiting to be served. The bummer is that I'll have problems saying it with a straight face, 'cause I'll just be so glad to finally deliver it. So - until that happens - let's hear your favorite "snappy comeback" lines. (Feel free to include a description of when/where you used it, if you'd like.)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Happy anniversary, Dad.
One year ago (to the day) at about this time, I was driving like mad from SFO to my parent's home. My father had suffered a pretty good-sized heart attack while hunting out-of-state. My mom was at home alone while my sister was trying to manage the "what do we do now" stuff and I was out-of-state having far too much fun.
Ahhh guilt - the gift that keeps on giving.
I talked with my folks today and when my mom mentioned it was "the anniversary of the day", my father kinda brushed it off and started listing all the things around the house they'd accomplished since then.
They'd cleaned out the storage room downstairs (where stuff they didn't know what to do with was stashed ... for years), they'd repainted both houses on the property, he'd finished restoring two cars, they got their estate completely together (legally), he reorganized the attic and both garages, he'd helped fell quite a few trees and stacked unknown piles of wood, etc. It was quite a list for someone who, for the past year, had been ordered by doctors to "take it easy".
And, while he was ticking these things off, I heard the all-too-familiar sound of a can of cola being opened, and then I heard ice in a glass. My folks are not "drink sodas in glasses" types - so this was destined to be a rum and Pepsi for my dad.
I don't know why it didn't suprise me. I wish it had. I don't know when it started up again, 'tho in thinking about it, I realize it's been several months.
Will I say anything? Oh probably. I'm the out-spoken one who gets away with things like that. But I don't expect any changes really. Just wanna go on record as the one saying "no - bad idea."
Ahhh guilt - the gift that keeps on giving.
I talked with my folks today and when my mom mentioned it was "the anniversary of the day", my father kinda brushed it off and started listing all the things around the house they'd accomplished since then.
They'd cleaned out the storage room downstairs (where stuff they didn't know what to do with was stashed ... for years), they'd repainted both houses on the property, he'd finished restoring two cars, they got their estate completely together (legally), he reorganized the attic and both garages, he'd helped fell quite a few trees and stacked unknown piles of wood, etc. It was quite a list for someone who, for the past year, had been ordered by doctors to "take it easy".
And, while he was ticking these things off, I heard the all-too-familiar sound of a can of cola being opened, and then I heard ice in a glass. My folks are not "drink sodas in glasses" types - so this was destined to be a rum and Pepsi for my dad.
I don't know why it didn't suprise me. I wish it had. I don't know when it started up again, 'tho in thinking about it, I realize it's been several months.
Will I say anything? Oh probably. I'm the out-spoken one who gets away with things like that. But I don't expect any changes really. Just wanna go on record as the one saying "no - bad idea."
Sunday, October 12, 2008
The curse that works
Admit it.
At some point while you were growing up, while you were knotting string to the tail of your neighbors cat and putting bubblegum in your dear Aunt's wig without her knowledge, your very own sainted Mother, the woman that changed your diapers and cleaned up your sheets when you had a nasty case of "stomach flu" and you didn't QUITE toss your cookies all the way into the bucket she'd provided, this woman with boundless love and tender mercy turned to you and used some form of "the curse that works".
"I hope", the curse begins, "that when you have a child of your own, she/he behaves just exactly as you do. Futhermore, I hope she/he knows it all, as you continue to remind me you do. I hope she/he can look you square in the eye and say perfectly true but horrific things that make you want to both laugh in delight and scream in horror."
Ask me again why I never had children of my own.
I heard this curse. My sister heard this course. We knew it worked. After all, our own mother had us and our own mother admitted that her own mother had said this to her. Why would we take that kind of risk?
Except that my sister did.
And the curse? Well - you be the judge. I submit the following:
My sister will be taking my two perfectly lovely nieces on their first trip to Disneyland later next week. I say "first trip" because we're Californians. Disneyland is simply the "easy" destination, especially if you want to behave like children - or if you have children.
Lovely niece #1 (also known as LN1), who is all of 3 1/2 years old, asked if she could take a stuffed something to sleep with at night while on their trip. "Well that sounds like a good idea", was my sister's response. "In fact, I usually make a list of all of the things I want to bring, so that I don't forget anything."
So began the list.
It was quiet for about 6 minutes, and then LN1 came dragging into the dining room and politely announced that she was dismayed to discover that she had no stuffed items from the "Peter Pan" line-up. "No Wendy, no Peter", she sighed with displeasure, her eyes downcast. "In fact", she continued in disbelief ... and I swear on my own eyes I am NOT making this up ... "Mother sigh - do you know I don't even have a 'Nana'?"
It was all my sister could do to not bust out laughing.
The curse ... I think you'll agree ... is alive and well.
At some point while you were growing up, while you were knotting string to the tail of your neighbors cat and putting bubblegum in your dear Aunt's wig without her knowledge, your very own sainted Mother, the woman that changed your diapers and cleaned up your sheets when you had a nasty case of "stomach flu" and you didn't QUITE toss your cookies all the way into the bucket she'd provided, this woman with boundless love and tender mercy turned to you and used some form of "the curse that works".
"I hope", the curse begins, "that when you have a child of your own, she/he behaves just exactly as you do. Futhermore, I hope she/he knows it all, as you continue to remind me you do. I hope she/he can look you square in the eye and say perfectly true but horrific things that make you want to both laugh in delight and scream in horror."
Ask me again why I never had children of my own.
I heard this curse. My sister heard this course. We knew it worked. After all, our own mother had us and our own mother admitted that her own mother had said this to her. Why would we take that kind of risk?
Except that my sister did.
And the curse? Well - you be the judge. I submit the following:
My sister will be taking my two perfectly lovely nieces on their first trip to Disneyland later next week. I say "first trip" because we're Californians. Disneyland is simply the "easy" destination, especially if you want to behave like children - or if you have children.
Lovely niece #1 (also known as LN1), who is all of 3 1/2 years old, asked if she could take a stuffed something to sleep with at night while on their trip. "Well that sounds like a good idea", was my sister's response. "In fact, I usually make a list of all of the things I want to bring, so that I don't forget anything."
So began the list.
It was quiet for about 6 minutes, and then LN1 came dragging into the dining room and politely announced that she was dismayed to discover that she had no stuffed items from the "Peter Pan" line-up. "No Wendy, no Peter", she sighed with displeasure, her eyes downcast. "In fact", she continued in disbelief ... and I swear on my own eyes I am NOT making this up ... "Mother sigh - do you know I don't even have a 'Nana'?"
It was all my sister could do to not bust out laughing.
The curse ... I think you'll agree ... is alive and well.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Dear Mr. Lorre,
Thank you for making "The Big Bang Theory" so damn good that I can watch the Season 1 DVD's over and over (and over and over) and still laugh. Simon Helberg as "Howard Wolowitz" is, as you accurately stated, Pepe Le Pew in human form ... and it's possible that my first love was the character you've named "Leonard". (Ya' coulda' kept his original name, yanno - it was just as ... nerd-aful.)
Although Season 2 is just now being aired, please note that I've already asked www.tvshowsondvd.com to alert me when the current season DVD's will be released.
PS: I've also been a fan of your vanity cards since "Dharma and Greg" (even after that show fell deeply into the crapper). Keep up the rants on those cards, especially the censored ones (typically found on "Two and a Half Men".)
Although Season 2 is just now being aired, please note that I've already asked www.tvshowsondvd.com to alert me when the current season DVD's will be released.
PS: I've also been a fan of your vanity cards since "Dharma and Greg" (even after that show fell deeply into the crapper). Keep up the rants on those cards, especially the censored ones (typically found on "Two and a Half Men".)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Granola bites
No - really, I mean it.
Granola bites.
As in "Quaker has a product they've totally appropriately named 'Granola Bites' that comes in a supposedly chocolate-like flavor and is only 90 calories ... and it bites."
It's not that I'm looking for food based on calorie content - but I've tried low-cal stuff before that wasn't awful. And I actually enjoy some of Quaker's granola products, so this seemed harmless enough.
So - now I can say that yes, I bought it. Yes, I tried it. And I've even decided to share it. Indeed, I've now tossed it around my back deck with the hopes that the local wildlife enjoy it ...
... 'cause this stuff ... bites.
Granola bites.
As in "Quaker has a product they've totally appropriately named 'Granola Bites' that comes in a supposedly chocolate-like flavor and is only 90 calories ... and it bites."
It's not that I'm looking for food based on calorie content - but I've tried low-cal stuff before that wasn't awful. And I actually enjoy some of Quaker's granola products, so this seemed harmless enough.
So - now I can say that yes, I bought it. Yes, I tried it. And I've even decided to share it. Indeed, I've now tossed it around my back deck with the hopes that the local wildlife enjoy it ...
... 'cause this stuff ... bites.
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