Uncommon Courtesy

I mentioned in a recent post (the last one? the one before that?) that my patience level isn't all it could be. I am struggling with it today. As such, this will be a "stream of brain farts" kind of a post. Don't expect it to make all that much sense, mmmmk?

I used to plan large-scale corporate events. By "large scale", I mean upwards of the 45,000 attendance kind of things. HUGE conventions with 65 breakout rooms that rotated on an hourly basis for a week long learning experience for those attending. As I'm a food lover, a lot of those 45,000 people counted on me to make sure that their "fancy dinner event" after the day of meetings was the best. This meant that I had to know the best places to eat that were still within the established corporate policy (done with a "wink-wink" because they were NEVER in those parameters, but a good planner knows how to get around such matters).

For the first few companies I did planning for, I was the junior member. This made me a combination of a runner, a go-for, and the setup-and tear-down expert. I could flip a room setup for 250 people in less than 10 minutes (with help, obviously). Eventually, when I'd proven I could keep my head and follow through, I was given more responsibility and I have to say that I shined. There were core trainers that I just loved working with and would stay up until well after midnight going through their presentations the night before, making sure the timing was spot-on, the graphics were clear, and that the presenter was gonna succeed.

But by far, my favorite part was planning the dinners. Well - actually - it was my favorite part and the most maddening at the same time. See, I'd go to a lot of trouble making sure that the food selections were balanced, that the wines I'd selected would play nicely with the food, that the acoustics in the room were acceptable, that the tables were arranged in a way that worked, etc. And I was detail-oriented, too. If the room was very bright, I'd request for dark linens to add some visual contrast. If there were gonna be a LOT of people in the room, I'd make sure it was made cooler than usual from 1pm to 4pm so that, by 7pm when folks started showing up, the temperature was just right.

And every participant of the events I was in charge of knew to expect a "welcome" packet when they checked into the meeting that was made just for them. I'd tell them things waaaay beyond the usual "register here, opening statements from the CEO here" stuff. I'd tell them things like "less-busy coffee shop here" and "avoid the really expensive drinks here".

The maddening part was the people, not the details. No matter how much time and energy I'd spend on the event, there'd always be one person that just would screw it up in a very special way. There was the one person that missed the transportation bus to the theme park and called me to come back to get them, even though they were late in showing up. There was the one person that refused to RSVP for *anything* *ever* and would be offended that dinner wasn't held for their arrival. There would be the one that would absolutely not wear the personalized shirt that I'd had sent to their room the night before and, knowing that they'd likely do that, didn't bat an eye (or offer a "thank you") when I showed up with another shirt - that I'd ironed that morning - for them.

That's the part of events that I just can't tolerate anymore. For what it's worth, I also can't stand folks that don't respect MY time in my personal life. If Mr. Service Provider tells me he'll call at 9am, I expect a call at 9am. When I call at 9:30am and am told "whoops - sorry - I'll for sure call before Noon" and never hear back? Yeaaaaahhhh, that's just not gonna sit well for me. After all, Mr. Service Provider was the one who set the deadline, not me. And if Mr. Service Provider tells me "I'll be there", I expect that to be true.

To change this to something that most everyone can relate to, imagine that you've made a reservation at a restaurant for 6pm. You call the day of the reservation and say "yeah, can we move that to 7pm?" and so they do. At 7:20pm, the restaurant calls you and says "where are you?" and you say "whoopsie - I'll call you back at 9pm" and then you no show. Not cool, right? The good news is that it's a restaurant and they likely don't have a "black list" so no real harm is done.

Except it's NOT a restaurant. There's a person at the other end of that reservation that you've made. And you said you'd be there. Sure things come up and all but you gave your word. And no one MADE you call that restaurant and make THAT reservation.

I guess it's just a matter of courtesy. Either ya' have it or you don't. I shouldn't hold folks to my level of common (or not-so-common) courtesy but I still do, even after all this time (and experience).

Anyway, as I said from the onset, don't expect this to make too much sense. (And see - I TOLD you in advance that it may not. It was just the right thing to do.)

Habit Forming

After the "newness" of a relationship wears off - ANY relationship - the persons involved get more and more comfortable around each other. They know and accept the other persons idiosyncrasies, habits, and sayings. Spend enough time around someone and you'll begin to evolve ... very slowly ... to be more like them. This can be a very bad thing.

I know - not what you were expecting me to say, right? But it can be. Spend enough time around someone who always has a beer with lunch or dinner and sooner or later, you'll likely be doing the same. Hanging out with a potty-mouth will, nearly without fail, degrade your own language skills. Drive with someone who seems to have constant road rage and watch yourself boil as that guy in the Camry merges into "your" lane.

Sadly, it hasn't been my experience that the better habits of the other person in a relationship are as transferable. While one may be more AWARE of imbibing, swearing, or road-hogging just because of who they're spending time with, actually adopting those good practices into YOUR way of life - I dunno - it's just tougher to do.

The Awesome Boyfriend does things regularly that astound me. Where I want to hurry up, he waits patiently. While I acknowledge that the flaws in things I've created allow for uniqueness, he strives towards perfection in the smallest of details and rarely accepts good enough, especially in his own work. When I decide that something "just is that way", he cannot wait to research it just so he can learn more. Even today, when the TV was misbehaving and I had our cable provider walking me through a solution, I had to ask for him to stop searching for a fix on the Internet and come to help me real-time.

The thing is ... and this is still maybe the MOST astonishing thing I've ever experienced ... the "newness" between us is alive and well. My heart still quickens when he comes home from work, I still smile when I see he's awake next to me, we still laugh like children at the goofiest stuff, he still picks me flowers for no reason at all. So I dunno ... will I ever pick up his good habits? Only time will tell.

Ask me again in about ohhhhhhhhhh 45 years or so ...

"Everything Is Good - Such A Cozy Room"

After many months of cold or rainy or gray or windy or snowy ... gonna be snowy ... was just snowy ... still too snowy... gonna snow more ... thunder snowing (no, I'm NOT making that one up, I swear) and, my personal favorite, "it hasn't snowed like this for yeeeears! Wow - really - this is unusual for us to get this much snow" snowing, we had just the BEST Spring weather this weekend.

The weather hasn't been getting me down at all, 'tho I did start to question the brilliance of having a convertible sports car sometime around January. Any qualms I had blew away as I zoomed my way around town doing errands, getting breakfast, or even grabbed groceries. It's just been too beautiful outside to be sulking about the weather of Winter 2009.

The Awesome Boyfriend and I spent a couple of hours on Saturday cleaning up from said weather, 'tho. A tree in the front yard lost a sizeable limb from the weight of (hmmm ... this is embarrassing ... uh ... it's that white stuff that falls from the sky ... I forget the name ... not sleet or ice, really ... OH yeah!) snow and then had a wonderful dinner out in the city. We awoke Sunday morning, did a few short errands, and then we started moving furniture. Well, in fairness, *he* started moving furniture - it took me a few minutes to realize that he wasn't just talking about a lamp or a chair or something easy. We moved - I'm guessing - maybe 9 pieces of various sizes of furniture. And some was really light and easy but some ... I won't lie to you ... I had my doubts we'd accomplish what all we did.

And then we started hanging pictures and artwork on walls. Now in my world, that means ya' find a wall that's kinda bare or needs a little color, ya' figure out how high or low you want the piece of art to hang, ya' hold the piece there for a second to make sure it works, you train your eyes on the area that the nail(s) will go, you bang in said nail(s) - or hooks, if it's heavier stuff - and voila - art on the wall. Check it for level and move on.

The Awesome Boyfriend is far more meticulous, however. His method - which, I completely agree is the proper and correct way of doing this task, I just don't have the patience that he does - involves actual MATH and stuff. By the 6th or 7th piece of art though even he was basically saying "hey - there's a nail on this wall. Do ya' have anything about this size?"

Anyway, it's a little after 8pm now. We're both supremely tired. We have lots of bookshelves to figure out and a few odds and ends that will need to find places to be in the current setup but this may be the most "moved in" that I've ever felt. Not just here - but anywhere. And that's saying something, 'cause I've spent significant time in some of my past abodes.

In a few short weeks, we'll be entertaining an actual house guest - something I've never done before. And when we welcome her into our home, I know that I'll be smiling really REALLY wide as I let the phrase echo in my head ...

"Come on in to our home."

"Our home."

"Home."

... And Other Goofy Questions

"What if I added some almonds and cranberries to this and made bark? Would you eat that?"

(The Awesome Boyfriend made a version of an Easter candy treat that I thought I'd have to do without, due to availability on this side of the country. I was mistaken, as he was able to duplicate it. Perfectly. And there was "leftover" chocolate - if that's even a term anyone would ever know - so he made chocolate/cranberry/almond/smoked salted bark that I am snorking down as fast as I can chew.)

"I wanna bring over some artwork to decorate. Is that alright?"

(I can't explain how happy this makes me ... that this place is becoming more and more OUR home. Each change we make together helps me feel more settled and it's just ... it makes it easier to breathe somehow. As I said, I can't explain it - but I sure do love it.)

And, my personal favorite ...

"Waddya' mean "did I remember to feed the cat?'"



Please note: No ACTUAL cats were harmed in the taking of this photo. I swear on all I hold dear the feline actually enjoys to sleep on her back with her feet in the air. It makes me laugh every time she does it.

Tony

You've likely seen those Liberty Mutual ads that show a busy street and a child pushing his toy from the stroller. A stranger stops and gives the toy back to the child, and the simple act is witnessed by someone else who, at a coffee shop, pushes someone elses mug out of harms way, and that act is witnessed by a third party, etc.

Liberty Mutual received such positive praise for those spots that they launched "Responsibility Project", where short films would show various normal people doing various normal things ... which, when one takes a closer look, seem kinda extraordinary.

This is my favorite one - called (simply) "Tony". A short, uplifting film where Dad, played by Tate Donovan, does what parents sometimes just gotta do. Give yourself time to watch this - it's 13 minutes long - and enjoy.

Tony

5-5-5

Dana (aka the brains and beauty behind "Cookin' At Cafe D") tagged me with a not-very-long and not-very-intrusive "getting to know you" sorta thing. Five questions which one responds with five answers. Letsee how I do ...


Question 1: Where were you five years ago?
(a) Lesee - if my math is correct, that'd be March of 2005 (gotta love public edumacation). That'd be pre-Katrina, so I was still a money-hungry corporate stooge.

(b) I was living in a small suburb about 30 minutes from my job and I spent most of my spare time collecting wines and books.

(c) I was traveling for that job, so there was an expense account that I used to visit establishments (read "eat at outrageously expensive places") with two of my closest work-friends.

(d) I was less than a year away from earning my 6-week sabbatical and planned on banking it for as long as I could, as I didn't want to squander it and figured I'd know what to do with the free time eventually. (Little did I know ...)

(e) I started spending more weekend time with my sister who, at the time, was living on my parents property and had just started dating someone whom she said was "interesting".


Question 2: What is on your to-do list today?
(a) Coffee run. (done)

(b) Dishes. (done)

(c) Laundry. (Last load in dryer)

(d) Shower. (soon)

(e) Throw out flowers that I just realized are very dead. (awww - and they were so pretty too...)


Question 3: What five snacks do you enjoy?
(a) French's fried onions. (Note to Dana - you think Funyons rock? These are worse than crack to me.)

(b) I dunno about "snack" but I drink endless mugs of hot chocolate all day and yes, I enjoy those very much.

(c) Oh! Those sweet danish breads at Starbucks ... heated up? Damn. (When ya' heat it, the calories go down, right? RIGHT???)

(d) I like hash browns. I realize that it's not a traditional snack-food, but I can go from potato to hash brown in under 10 minutes so it's pretty quick.

(e) I discovered the deliciousness of freshly toasted pumpkin seeds this past Fall. Those are pretty tasty and enjoyable!


Question 4: What five places have you lived?
(a) My "growing up" home was in the country of Northern California. No paved roads, no sidewalks, no city services. Pizza places that said they'd deliver anywhere wouldn't deliver because we were "up on the hill". My folks still live there.

(b) My first experience outside of that was a two-bedroom that I don't remember spending much time in. I think I lived there for about 4 months, until my roommate decided she wanted to go back to college and I couldn't swing rent without asking for my parents to assist. I decided to move instead toooo ....

(c) A studio apartment. It had a bathtub that was stupidly large for the space. Since I'm a tub person, that was a selling point. I slept on a futon in the bedroom/living room/dining room. It had a kitchen that I never once cooked in and a refrigerator that I kept endless flats of Pepsi in.

(d) I moved baaaaack into my parents home not that long ago. Was there for about a month. It reminded me both why children are meant to move out, and reminded me that turning into my parents wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

(e) I am, at last, home. I have a wonderful two-bedroom home that I rent. It has a great backyard, room for a cat, and the neighbors are pretty terrific.


Question 5: What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?
(a) Buy the Awesome Boyfriend that Swiss villa he's always talking about.

(b) Invest about 55% of it in long-term accounts, so I wouldn't burden anyone with any health/old age issues.

(c) Buy a small get-away home in Biloxi and rent it to the interns that rotate through the East Biloxi Coordination and Relief Center. (This would probably be the cheapest thing on the list of five.)

(d) Donate a years worth of funds to Pets In Need, a no-kill animal shelter in California that found a great dog companion for my mother. While I have quite a few "close to my heart" charities, I'm a real sucker when it comes to animals.

(e) Oh, and before I'd done ANYthing, I would have researched and signed on a professional accounting agency to help me manage having a billion dollars. LOL


So now I'm supposed to choose 5 people to answer these same questions and, for me, that's the hard part. (Full disclosure - I wrote this mostly on Friday March 5th but have been pondering the 5 people thing since then.) I know that hardly anyone reads my ramblings - which is ok by me - and I also don't read that many blogs of people that I'd think would actually do this. (I can't see Jen from CakeWrecks doing this, for instance, because this isn't the kind of thing that her blog is about. And Adam, from Sleep Talkin' Man, only creates posts when he's unconscious.)

Instead, how about I ask that whomever reads this suggests up to 5 blogs to add to my blog list over there at the right? That way you'll be helping me expand my horizons and maybe next time, I'll have folks to send this sort of thing to. I can't promise I'll add them right away - sometimes it takes me awhile to warm up to a writer - but I promise I'll read it. :-)

Thanks again, Dana. Now I'm craving those dang onions again ...

Maybe I'll Start Working Out When I'm 65, Too.

Today we went to a birthday party. It was a family-centric event, so there were folks that I haven't met (and ones that I have but don't really know very well) as well as neighbors and church friends.

The party itself was pretty nice. There were balloons (the mylar kind that I'm not afraid of ... don't ask), a good looking cake with a picture of the birthday girl scanned onto it, personalized candies and chocolates at each table and several photo albums, electronic and printed. Everyone had a really good time and caught up with each other.

There were a few "who is that again" kinda moments and some stories of "remember when ..." and some nice memories as the photo albums were enjoyed and shared. There was a "who was born when ..." moment and then the friendly round of singing "Happy Birthday" to the guest of honor.

When the candles were blown out, she thanked everyone for coming to her party. She wanted to especially thank her friends from her Aerobic Workout group - something she's been involved with for over 25 years.

Miriam will turn 90 tomorrow.

When did ...

Ingrid Michaelson sell her soul to the producers of "Grey's Anatomy"?

It seems like every song of hers has some fan-created YouTube video that just ... bites.

"Ya' Don't Sayyyyyy ..."

I will admit that, even for me, I've become increasingly lax with calls to my parents and to my sister as of late. I would say that there is just so much going on in my life that I simply don't have the time to do so - but that would be less than honest. The truth of the matter is that I don't call as much as I used to because it just plain takes too much out of me emotionally. (And geez, doesn't THAT sentiment just look wonderfully self-centered written out.)

I have hinted here that there is change happening in my sister's life ... change that I believe the entire family saw as an eventuality but didn't want to dwell on. Now that the change is in the works, however, it seems to be all anyone can talk about.

Case in point: I called my folks today to let them know I was having something sent to their home and asked if they would please send it my way at their leisure. Since they always scan their calls (my father is not a phone person and my mother just wants to know who is calling first), I was fully prepared to leave a message on their machine. Instead my father picked up the phone on the second ring.

I was all set to hear "Ok, I'll let her know you called" and little else, but instead was caught up to date on everything going on with "the other daughter".

For about 25 minutes.

In excruuuuuuciating detail.

It was a huge monologue that gave me plenty of time to have an internal conversation with myself. "Hmmm - gosh this coffee is really hitting the spot today. Just the right temperature, too. Is he still talking? Guess I should add something here". Out loud, I interjected an "mmmhmmm" that went largely unnoticed. I returned to my musings.

"So I wonder how my sister feels about all this being shared? I wonder how I'd feel if the tables were turned? I wonder if, in fact, everything that I share is also passed along?" I shifted in my chair as I added another "really" while he continued,. "After all, they know how I am about privacy. Both my parents and my sister have commented about my keeping to myself since forever. Wouldn't they know to respect that or do they feel it's alright to share among the immediate family?"

When, at last, the update was complete, there were a few basic questions directed at me revolving around the Olympics and the weather, and then the call was complete. I set my phone down and took a deep breath. I hadn't even given them the headsup about the shipment and I wasn't about to call back to let them know.

I don't know how I feel about all of this and it may take some time for me to sort it out. I realize that this probably falls under "the best of intentions" but I can't quite figure out what the "intent", best or not, would be. To save me from making more than one phone call? Because my father needs to figure out what is going on for himself? I dunno. Sadly, it doesn't really make me wanna share anything going on in my life, that's for sure. Which will only make me appear to be even more removed from my family.

It is a vicious circle.

Here's Your Sign

I took a road trip yesterday to pick up some furniture (to "a whole 'nuther state", I said to myself in wonder) and, along the way, I finally understood a highway sign that I've been seeing for close to six months.

"Bridge ices before road" does not mean "this little connecting spot between the road and the bridge could be iced over so hey, be careful". It means "this entire bridge could be one solid mass of ice and just because the road is clear doesn't mean the bridge will be so hey, be careful". Now, happily, I came to this discovery all on my own, sans incident. I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner but ... well, I'll blame "I was concentrating on the road" for my lack of comprehension. That bolt of "duhhhhh" made me remember other signs I've mis-read or misunderstood over the years.

"Are you driving too fast for traffic school?" was one that always made me wonder if it was an advertisement for some sort of race-car driver course. "Do you have time to stop for a speeding ticket?" seemed pretty sarcastic for a sign, and tended to make me mutter something like "No, I don't have time to stop. THAT'S why I'm speeding." (I recall both these signs being posted within the same neighborhood area shortly after a local high-ranking government official moved into his new home. I'm sure that was just a coincidence.)

"Slow children at play" came across as either "our kids don't move very fast so ya' may wanna take another route if you're in a hurry" or "we have special needs children on this street and thought you'd wanna know" - both of which seemed kinda along the lines of giving a driver more information than they'd need to be aware of.

I recently saw "school children walk along this road" which, I presume, is meant to caution drivers to be more alert and slow down and NOT to entice possible pedophiles. "Open joints on bridge" has everything to do with how a roadway is constructed and nothing at all to do with deconstructing an ankle, knee, elbow, or illegal substance meant to be smoked. (I still giggle when I see it, though.)

My favorite sign that I came across was spotted a decade or more ago. It was posted on a small side road in a quiet neighborhood. "Our community cares" it simply stated and, underneath, had a drawing of some adults walking some children along a path. Shortly after it went up, someone hit the pole and bent the signpost. It was straightened well enough, but while it was down, someone changed the message just a bit. They etched rather shocked looking expressions on the folks walking along the path and added an "s" to the sign, which now read - probably more accurately - "Our community scares".