Reading This Will Probably Make You Itch

See the title?

You've been warned.



So in the past ... oh - three months? ... I've been hearing a sound when I walk outside. It sounds like an automatic sprinkler system. The kind they use during the opening moments of "Caddy Shack" ... that "nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada dadadadadadada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada" kind of thing. And, given how there are many green areas and gardens here, it'd make sense to hear sprinkler systems being used.

Here's the weird part, tho - I hear it at night, like at 8:30, after the sun has set. Annnnd I hear it in the middle of the day, when no one in their right mind would be watering. In fact, I hear it all the time. Those of you who live (or have lived) anyplace further East than, say, Sacramento already know the noise. You're telling me the answer already. I know. I can hear you (just barely over the din of the noise) saying the word "cicada".

So ok - cicada it is. Haven't actually SEEN any, but yep - I've done some digging around on YouTube and that sound is for sure a cicada sound. More quick research says that they (generally) don't bother humans, aside from that sound that makes ya' wanna jab pencils into your eardrums. I say "generally don't" because sometimes, if they land on a human and chill there for a bit, they'll forget where they are (te-hee) and try to extract tree sap from the lucky person. Apparently that can hurt quite a bit (geez yeah - ya' think?!?), but it won't really harm a person.

Now since my East Coast move, I've dealt with crickets larger than the size of my big toes and ants that could, if motivated and organized, carry off small children, so it's safe to say that insects generally kinda freak me out. I don't like being surprised by them, mostly. (Yeah, those crickets last year. That was sooooome fun.) If I KNOW that an insect is around - well, insectS really, 'cause there is never just ONE - it's alright. Not "great", but "alright".

When I was gutting homes in Biloxi, there were walls just *filled* with huge cockroaches. Filled with 'em. As in, "when the moldy sheet rock was removed, the 'wall' appeared to still be there" kinda filled. But see - I KNEW they'd be there. So we created a system where ya'd pound on the wall a few loud times, yell "cockroach!!!!!" and then take the wall out and sure enough, they'd all fall to the ground to go find a new fun place to hide ... a cockroach version of "Hide-N-Seek".

Also lately - as in "over the past two weeks" - I've noticed small sawdust-looking mounds of dirt on the dry side of the back yard. "Gophers!" I thought, proud of myself for having solved this easy mystery (because, if this were the West Coast, that's what would be causing this mound). I mentioned it via text to The Awesome Boyfriend this morning. "Cicada Killer Wasps", responded The Awesome Boyfriend.

"Sure", I laughed out loud when I saw the text. I shared it with my friends at the coffee house, and it escaped my attention that they weren't laughing with me. "Enjoy killing 'em", I texted back, still giggling at his comment.

But he wasn't fooling. And a quick trip to the garden supply center confirmed exactly what he said. And more research on the Internet confirmed it more.

(A side note: I was pretty graphic about the cockroach thing above. I shoulda warned you, I guess, about planting that visual in your head. I apologize, and offer this advice as a means of making it up to you: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE OF CURIOSITY OR GENERAL WONDERINGMENT, RESEARCH PHOTOGRAPHS OF "Cicada Killer Wasps". Just ... don't. Seriously.)

Information states that they also don't really mess with humans. That they tend to be solo-type critters (uh huh but there's like 30 or more of 'em in the back yard, so not all THAT solo), the males don't sting (but they will swoop down on you and want to "inspect" you to make sure you're not a sexy cicada killer female wasp that they can mate with), the females have a stinger that they very rarely use (unless, yanno, you're trying to kill them) and even when they do, it feels "like a small pinch" (sure but again - 30 or more of 'em). Oh - and they're beneficial (because they're killing cicadas). And they also have short life spans (just six weeks).

And while I read and absorbed all this information ... while I understand it and it makes total sense ... my brain is still saying "blah blah yadda yadda blah - killer wasps. Killer freakin' wasps!!!!! No way, no how, no chance, not happening." Well, it's not actually "saying" that, it's more shouting it. Over and over. In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, it sounds a lot like "nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada dadadadadadada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada".

So yes, Awesome Boyfriend, my original response stands. Enjoy killing them.

Bloom Where You Are Planted

I come from a family of gardeners. My father grows grapes. Quite a few of them, in fact. My sister has had her fair share of crops, legal and other, and has a fondness for flowers these days. My mother is a master gardener and has "grafted trees" (whatever THAT means) and was happy to inherit the family orchids from my father's parents after they passed. (They're over 100 years old now and have been split into hundreds of individual plants.) My mom has the ability to look at a plant and know if it needs water, better soil, is a weed, will flower soon, has too much light, was planted in the right area ... all the things that a gardener should know. A relaxing evening to my folks is to take an hour or so after dinner and water a portion of their property - the old fashioned way, with a hose and all. (They have a drip system for most everything and an irrigation plan for the grapes, but still.) Yep - I come from a family of gardeners.

And, while I've commented here before that I'm for sure not adopted, I am the black sheep of the family. Or, more appropriately, the black thumb. I can't tell flower from herb from tree from weed, unless it is flowering, has a trunk, or I'm already cooking it. As I recently confessed elsewhere, I've killed ivy, for cryin' out loud.

So it was a surprise to me how happy I felt when The Awesome Boyfriend told me he was going to get his garden in shape for this approaching season. I know that the rest of the family has been wondering about it (because they've asked "so you kids gonna garden this year?") and I figured we would, but with the amount of snow we had this past Winter, I was curious as to how the soil would look after we ... uh ... "fluffed it up?" (Again, not a gardener so I'm sure there's a more technical term ... perhaps "turned it over" would be better.)

Last night, "Mike, the rototiller guy" showed up as promised and, in less than an hour, he ... errrr ... "tilled?" the plot of land that will be the garden. This morning, I visited the area with a rake and did my best to remove any larger clumps and to level things off. In an hour or so, we're gonna head to the gardening supply store to get ... mmmmm ... whatever it is that we need from the gardening supply store. (Seriously - I have no idea. The Awesome Boyfriend mentioned something about netting and I figured it was to keep the birds out - but apparently it's to keep the weeds out. Or was that "webbing"? Wow yeah, no idea at all.)

So in a few months, perhaps we'll be enjoying the fruits (and veggies and herbs) of our labor. I'll update with "garden news" throughout the season.

This is me, blooming where I've been planted.