Similar But Different

While growing up, when my sister and I would frustrate our parents (and we often did), my folks would mix up our names. I'm guessing that's a common problem in families with more than one child and, when at the breaking point, one cannot fault a parent who looks at their child and thinks "now what the hell is their name again?"

That aside, my sister and I have always been more different than alike. In fact, it turns out that all we had to do to be closer is not live in the same house. True story - the day she moved out, we became each others #1 supporters and biggest fans. She always had my back and I always had hers, no question. Even so, life gets in the way and we didn't always make the time to talk to one another. Like any other close relationship, my sister and I have our "practically best friends" periods and our "I can't relate" periods. We're currently in a "practically best friends" period and she calls me about twice a week.

I wish I could write about how much I've been enjoying our conversations. I wish I could share how much I laugh during our chats, how happy I feel afterwards, how much I look forward to our next phone call. I wish I could ...

After our talk today, I walked into the living room, sat down, and I heard myself sigh. Perhaps hearing me - or just sensing my mood - Tabby strolled over and asked to come sit on my lap for a bit, which I encouraged. Cats are good for that kind of thing. I mused for awhile. Just because you completely love and support someone doesn't mean you agree with them all the time. My sister is making some pretty heavy life changes these days that we both agree will be good for her overall but ... ... I'm not thrilled about how little these decisions seem to be weighing on her.

I can't help but think back to directional changes in my life that I made last year and how much time and energy I spent coming to those decisions. I wonder if I seemed to make any of those choices easily. I did not ... even though I knew that the final result would be best for me. Because I agree with her ultimate decision, I don't feel it necessary to ask "are you sure this is the best solution?" or "have you satisfied every other option in your eyes?" It's possible that she really is struggling with these questions or, more likely, has been struggling on them for months and months already. I want to be able to say "good job - now move onwards" to her and really mean it.

I guess I worry that her seemingly cavalier actions could be seen as echoing my beliefs ... and, recognizing that as a selfish thought, I then beat myself up for losing focus on the bigger picture. She supported me completely and never outwardly doubted my actions last year. I will do the same for her now - not out of obligation, but out of love.