Uncommon Courtesy

I mentioned in a recent post (the last one? the one before that?) that my patience level isn't all it could be. I am struggling with it today. As such, this will be a "stream of brain farts" kind of a post. Don't expect it to make all that much sense, mmmmk?

I used to plan large-scale corporate events. By "large scale", I mean upwards of the 45,000 attendance kind of things. HUGE conventions with 65 breakout rooms that rotated on an hourly basis for a week long learning experience for those attending. As I'm a food lover, a lot of those 45,000 people counted on me to make sure that their "fancy dinner event" after the day of meetings was the best. This meant that I had to know the best places to eat that were still within the established corporate policy (done with a "wink-wink" because they were NEVER in those parameters, but a good planner knows how to get around such matters).

For the first few companies I did planning for, I was the junior member. This made me a combination of a runner, a go-for, and the setup-and tear-down expert. I could flip a room setup for 250 people in less than 10 minutes (with help, obviously). Eventually, when I'd proven I could keep my head and follow through, I was given more responsibility and I have to say that I shined. There were core trainers that I just loved working with and would stay up until well after midnight going through their presentations the night before, making sure the timing was spot-on, the graphics were clear, and that the presenter was gonna succeed.

But by far, my favorite part was planning the dinners. Well - actually - it was my favorite part and the most maddening at the same time. See, I'd go to a lot of trouble making sure that the food selections were balanced, that the wines I'd selected would play nicely with the food, that the acoustics in the room were acceptable, that the tables were arranged in a way that worked, etc. And I was detail-oriented, too. If the room was very bright, I'd request for dark linens to add some visual contrast. If there were gonna be a LOT of people in the room, I'd make sure it was made cooler than usual from 1pm to 4pm so that, by 7pm when folks started showing up, the temperature was just right.

And every participant of the events I was in charge of knew to expect a "welcome" packet when they checked into the meeting that was made just for them. I'd tell them things waaaay beyond the usual "register here, opening statements from the CEO here" stuff. I'd tell them things like "less-busy coffee shop here" and "avoid the really expensive drinks here".

The maddening part was the people, not the details. No matter how much time and energy I'd spend on the event, there'd always be one person that just would screw it up in a very special way. There was the one person that missed the transportation bus to the theme park and called me to come back to get them, even though they were late in showing up. There was the one person that refused to RSVP for *anything* *ever* and would be offended that dinner wasn't held for their arrival. There would be the one that would absolutely not wear the personalized shirt that I'd had sent to their room the night before and, knowing that they'd likely do that, didn't bat an eye (or offer a "thank you") when I showed up with another shirt - that I'd ironed that morning - for them.

That's the part of events that I just can't tolerate anymore. For what it's worth, I also can't stand folks that don't respect MY time in my personal life. If Mr. Service Provider tells me he'll call at 9am, I expect a call at 9am. When I call at 9:30am and am told "whoops - sorry - I'll for sure call before Noon" and never hear back? Yeaaaaahhhh, that's just not gonna sit well for me. After all, Mr. Service Provider was the one who set the deadline, not me. And if Mr. Service Provider tells me "I'll be there", I expect that to be true.

To change this to something that most everyone can relate to, imagine that you've made a reservation at a restaurant for 6pm. You call the day of the reservation and say "yeah, can we move that to 7pm?" and so they do. At 7:20pm, the restaurant calls you and says "where are you?" and you say "whoopsie - I'll call you back at 9pm" and then you no show. Not cool, right? The good news is that it's a restaurant and they likely don't have a "black list" so no real harm is done.

Except it's NOT a restaurant. There's a person at the other end of that reservation that you've made. And you said you'd be there. Sure things come up and all but you gave your word. And no one MADE you call that restaurant and make THAT reservation.

I guess it's just a matter of courtesy. Either ya' have it or you don't. I shouldn't hold folks to my level of common (or not-so-common) courtesy but I still do, even after all this time (and experience).

Anyway, as I said from the onset, don't expect this to make too much sense. (And see - I TOLD you in advance that it may not. It was just the right thing to do.)

Habit Forming

After the "newness" of a relationship wears off - ANY relationship - the persons involved get more and more comfortable around each other. They know and accept the other persons idiosyncrasies, habits, and sayings. Spend enough time around someone and you'll begin to evolve ... very slowly ... to be more like them. This can be a very bad thing.

I know - not what you were expecting me to say, right? But it can be. Spend enough time around someone who always has a beer with lunch or dinner and sooner or later, you'll likely be doing the same. Hanging out with a potty-mouth will, nearly without fail, degrade your own language skills. Drive with someone who seems to have constant road rage and watch yourself boil as that guy in the Camry merges into "your" lane.

Sadly, it hasn't been my experience that the better habits of the other person in a relationship are as transferable. While one may be more AWARE of imbibing, swearing, or road-hogging just because of who they're spending time with, actually adopting those good practices into YOUR way of life - I dunno - it's just tougher to do.

The Awesome Boyfriend does things regularly that astound me. Where I want to hurry up, he waits patiently. While I acknowledge that the flaws in things I've created allow for uniqueness, he strives towards perfection in the smallest of details and rarely accepts good enough, especially in his own work. When I decide that something "just is that way", he cannot wait to research it just so he can learn more. Even today, when the TV was misbehaving and I had our cable provider walking me through a solution, I had to ask for him to stop searching for a fix on the Internet and come to help me real-time.

The thing is ... and this is still maybe the MOST astonishing thing I've ever experienced ... the "newness" between us is alive and well. My heart still quickens when he comes home from work, I still smile when I see he's awake next to me, we still laugh like children at the goofiest stuff, he still picks me flowers for no reason at all. So I dunno ... will I ever pick up his good habits? Only time will tell.

Ask me again in about ohhhhhhhhhh 45 years or so ...

"Everything Is Good - Such A Cozy Room"

After many months of cold or rainy or gray or windy or snowy ... gonna be snowy ... was just snowy ... still too snowy... gonna snow more ... thunder snowing (no, I'm NOT making that one up, I swear) and, my personal favorite, "it hasn't snowed like this for yeeeears! Wow - really - this is unusual for us to get this much snow" snowing, we had just the BEST Spring weather this weekend.

The weather hasn't been getting me down at all, 'tho I did start to question the brilliance of having a convertible sports car sometime around January. Any qualms I had blew away as I zoomed my way around town doing errands, getting breakfast, or even grabbed groceries. It's just been too beautiful outside to be sulking about the weather of Winter 2009.

The Awesome Boyfriend and I spent a couple of hours on Saturday cleaning up from said weather, 'tho. A tree in the front yard lost a sizeable limb from the weight of (hmmm ... this is embarrassing ... uh ... it's that white stuff that falls from the sky ... I forget the name ... not sleet or ice, really ... OH yeah!) snow and then had a wonderful dinner out in the city. We awoke Sunday morning, did a few short errands, and then we started moving furniture. Well, in fairness, *he* started moving furniture - it took me a few minutes to realize that he wasn't just talking about a lamp or a chair or something easy. We moved - I'm guessing - maybe 9 pieces of various sizes of furniture. And some was really light and easy but some ... I won't lie to you ... I had my doubts we'd accomplish what all we did.

And then we started hanging pictures and artwork on walls. Now in my world, that means ya' find a wall that's kinda bare or needs a little color, ya' figure out how high or low you want the piece of art to hang, ya' hold the piece there for a second to make sure it works, you train your eyes on the area that the nail(s) will go, you bang in said nail(s) - or hooks, if it's heavier stuff - and voila - art on the wall. Check it for level and move on.

The Awesome Boyfriend is far more meticulous, however. His method - which, I completely agree is the proper and correct way of doing this task, I just don't have the patience that he does - involves actual MATH and stuff. By the 6th or 7th piece of art though even he was basically saying "hey - there's a nail on this wall. Do ya' have anything about this size?"

Anyway, it's a little after 8pm now. We're both supremely tired. We have lots of bookshelves to figure out and a few odds and ends that will need to find places to be in the current setup but this may be the most "moved in" that I've ever felt. Not just here - but anywhere. And that's saying something, 'cause I've spent significant time in some of my past abodes.

In a few short weeks, we'll be entertaining an actual house guest - something I've never done before. And when we welcome her into our home, I know that I'll be smiling really REALLY wide as I let the phrase echo in my head ...

"Come on in to our home."

"Our home."

"Home."