Reading This Will Probably Make You Itch

See the title?

You've been warned.



So in the past ... oh - three months? ... I've been hearing a sound when I walk outside. It sounds like an automatic sprinkler system. The kind they use during the opening moments of "Caddy Shack" ... that "nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada dadadadadadada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada" kind of thing. And, given how there are many green areas and gardens here, it'd make sense to hear sprinkler systems being used.

Here's the weird part, tho - I hear it at night, like at 8:30, after the sun has set. Annnnd I hear it in the middle of the day, when no one in their right mind would be watering. In fact, I hear it all the time. Those of you who live (or have lived) anyplace further East than, say, Sacramento already know the noise. You're telling me the answer already. I know. I can hear you (just barely over the din of the noise) saying the word "cicada".

So ok - cicada it is. Haven't actually SEEN any, but yep - I've done some digging around on YouTube and that sound is for sure a cicada sound. More quick research says that they (generally) don't bother humans, aside from that sound that makes ya' wanna jab pencils into your eardrums. I say "generally don't" because sometimes, if they land on a human and chill there for a bit, they'll forget where they are (te-hee) and try to extract tree sap from the lucky person. Apparently that can hurt quite a bit (geez yeah - ya' think?!?), but it won't really harm a person.

Now since my East Coast move, I've dealt with crickets larger than the size of my big toes and ants that could, if motivated and organized, carry off small children, so it's safe to say that insects generally kinda freak me out. I don't like being surprised by them, mostly. (Yeah, those crickets last year. That was sooooome fun.) If I KNOW that an insect is around - well, insectS really, 'cause there is never just ONE - it's alright. Not "great", but "alright".

When I was gutting homes in Biloxi, there were walls just *filled* with huge cockroaches. Filled with 'em. As in, "when the moldy sheet rock was removed, the 'wall' appeared to still be there" kinda filled. But see - I KNEW they'd be there. So we created a system where ya'd pound on the wall a few loud times, yell "cockroach!!!!!" and then take the wall out and sure enough, they'd all fall to the ground to go find a new fun place to hide ... a cockroach version of "Hide-N-Seek".

Also lately - as in "over the past two weeks" - I've noticed small sawdust-looking mounds of dirt on the dry side of the back yard. "Gophers!" I thought, proud of myself for having solved this easy mystery (because, if this were the West Coast, that's what would be causing this mound). I mentioned it via text to The Awesome Boyfriend this morning. "Cicada Killer Wasps", responded The Awesome Boyfriend.

"Sure", I laughed out loud when I saw the text. I shared it with my friends at the coffee house, and it escaped my attention that they weren't laughing with me. "Enjoy killing 'em", I texted back, still giggling at his comment.

But he wasn't fooling. And a quick trip to the garden supply center confirmed exactly what he said. And more research on the Internet confirmed it more.

(A side note: I was pretty graphic about the cockroach thing above. I shoulda warned you, I guess, about planting that visual in your head. I apologize, and offer this advice as a means of making it up to you: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE OF CURIOSITY OR GENERAL WONDERINGMENT, RESEARCH PHOTOGRAPHS OF "Cicada Killer Wasps". Just ... don't. Seriously.)

Information states that they also don't really mess with humans. That they tend to be solo-type critters (uh huh but there's like 30 or more of 'em in the back yard, so not all THAT solo), the males don't sting (but they will swoop down on you and want to "inspect" you to make sure you're not a sexy cicada killer female wasp that they can mate with), the females have a stinger that they very rarely use (unless, yanno, you're trying to kill them) and even when they do, it feels "like a small pinch" (sure but again - 30 or more of 'em). Oh - and they're beneficial (because they're killing cicadas). And they also have short life spans (just six weeks).

And while I read and absorbed all this information ... while I understand it and it makes total sense ... my brain is still saying "blah blah yadda yadda blah - killer wasps. Killer freakin' wasps!!!!! No way, no how, no chance, not happening." Well, it's not actually "saying" that, it's more shouting it. Over and over. In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, it sounds a lot like "nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada dadadadadadada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada nawhooshdada".

So yes, Awesome Boyfriend, my original response stands. Enjoy killing them.

The Karma Cafe

The trouble with leaving things to Karma is that you MUST leave them. You cannot force the speed at which Karma will strike. You cannot dictate what Karma will do, when it will do it or - indeed - if Karma will have anything occur at all.

But. in order to not live with a constant need for revenge ... in order to not become worse than the evil one is fighting ... in order to not be consumed by hate, I believe that - at some point - one MUST leave things at Karma's door.

Some would say that revenge is too satisfying to leave to chance. Some say that revenge is a dish best served cold. (I know I've uttered that phrase more than twice in my life.) I dunno. I don't think that revenge ... payback ... retribution ... is mine (or yours) to distribute.

I realize that there are those that would say my way of thinking is too non-confrontational. That it's too easy or the cowards way out. This is not totally false. I am not a fan of being confrontational (or of being confronted). I don't like feeling backed into a corner - no matter if I'm the one backing up or walking forward.

But checking my gut reactions ... taking a deep breath and walking away ... it is not easy. It does not bring me peace. It does not satisfy me. However, if my choice is to allow my rage to control my actions or control my rage and allow Karma to act for me, I will be content at being unsatisfied.

I believe more in Karma than I do in hate. I trust more in Karma and will put more energy in it than I will give in to evil.

In short, Karma is a slow, distracted waitress and Payback is the chef. At some point, you will be served and you will be made to dine on the plate in front of you. The plate that you ordered. The plate you have earned.

Enjoy your meal.

Ten Reasons To Be The One

(10) Do ya' like seafood?
(9) Are birds fun to watch?
(8) Have you ever chilled out to the music of Dave Matthews? ... Lenny Kravatz?
(7) Do you enjoy the sound of the sea lapping onto the shore?
(6) Ever find yourself rooting for Drew Brees? ... Peyton Manning?
(5) Are you a fan of turtles? ... Pelicans? ... Dolphins?
(4) How do you feel about a relaxing day on the water and maybe doin' a little fishing?
(3) Ever learned anything while watching Emeril Lagasse? ... Giggled while seeing Harry Shearer in a role? ... Has John Goodman ever made ya' smile? ... Enjoyed the talents of Blake Lively?
(2) Do you support generationally-owned businesses?
(1) Do you respect the work - public and private - that Sandra Bullock has done?

I gave ya' ten questions. And now, if there's even one "yes" in there, I'm asking you to Be The One.