Walking on a treadmill

After a certain amount of time passes and I become convinced that I am, in fact, moving ahead with my life, something in the universe runs a reality-check on me by turning up the pace of the treadmill I’m on. Most times it goes well, and sometimes it does not.

Because I’ve worked for as many years as I have in my company, and because of both paths of my career here, I know – and am known – by an awful lot of people who live all over the country … world, actually. It isn’t difficult to remember who I’ve talked with lately – it’s impossible.

Examples? I have LOTS. I (apparently) never told Ty any updates after my Dad’s heart attack in October. I haven’t seen Shirin in MONTHS. I hadn’t really talked with Karen until our hair “date” in December. I dropped a note to Eamon earlier this week, after last seeing him in – gosh, has it already been a year?? Last Mike – and Jim – and Kevin heard, we were all gonna be living in the same state soon. It took me a few weeks coming back from Sabbatical to remember to update Amy, who was really concerned about the health of my extended family. Todd has no clue I’ll be leaving soon. Tom probably doesn’t know I’m still here at all. Spencer, who is just now coming off from sabbatical, is wondering why I haven’t been to my desk since his return. Alex was wondering what my title is (and I had to remind him to send me photos, as he’s a new dad)! Sandeep wanted to know why he didn’t get a Christmas card. Jenifer hopes I’m ok. Dylan didn’t know ANYTHING about my job, or anything about what I’d been going through lately.

Even folks VERY high up in the food chain ask me questions I rarely expect. Ken didn’t see me at OTC this past week and was wondering if maybe I was in Mississippi. (To be fair, I didn’t know he’d moved to the Bay Area, so there ya’ go.) In fact, my closest and dearest friends are still owed gifts for things (moving into new homes, births of children) that I keep swearing I will get around to. My only excuse is that I’ve been distracted … which is true but still feels like a very lame explanation.

I never know when I’ll get the wind sucked outta my sails. For instance, I’ll be going to a very high-end event in April with Karen. I had planned on taking someone else as my guest, as a surprise, and had to update the list when I received the reminder notice today. I was successful in shaking that off, when I got another reminder notice from an unexpected place about something I’d done in October last year. And now I get the fun task of updating those involved with it, too. It feels like a chapter that everyone else gets to finish except me. And I'd say that I hate how it is ending, but it hasn't ended for me yet. Which is ... a problem. Which is my problem.

So yes, I’m walking forward. It’s just that sometimes the treadmill moves quicker than I do. I’m trying to remain determined to not fall behind, though. And I have a lot of people who wanna help me keep my pace. I just wish my destination hadn't been changed. I really liked where I was headed.