A couple little victories

A funny, surreal thing happens when the pressure is removed on something that would USUALLY cause stress. Your perspective changes and, with worry taken out of the equation, progress can be properly noted and appreciated.

It is Annual Review season at my company. Having worked in Sales for the first five years, I’m used to getting a 20-word review: “Here’s what your salary was, here’s your new annual salary, here is your bonus rate, now get back to work”. Last year, in fact, I didn’t receive a review at all. Since my current position rolls under the Human Resources umbrella, they were interested to note this, to say the least. Reviews are mandatory – at EVERY level and, even when I explained “I didn’t get a review last year because I didn’t write one”, I was met with disbelief. “You’re not supposed to write your own review” is the common response and I WOULD say something like “yeah, well I’m not supposed to sign my own expense reports either but ….” but I do know when to shut my mouth.

At 10am today, I sat down at a table across from my boss and got my annual review. You might remember that I’m leaving my place of employment shortly so, while I would like to think that I’m providing a positive service to my company, I’m not awake at nights worrying about every little detail. My biggest concern is to make sure that I transfer 6 years of contacts, birthdays, phone numbers and data so that I have it when I go. Oh yeah, and I need to take over the billing of my cell phone and my blackberry. Other than that, I’m good to go, essentially. “WHERE” I’m going remains to be seen, but … well … nevermind.

Anyway, my manager and I discussed the projects I’ve worked on, the representation I’ve given at various functions, the information I’ve collected and the new ideas I’ve come across for future services or funding. I got a bonus (a sizeable one, which was rather embarrassing – considering my JOB is to give money away), a pretty decent raise, and a really great review. It was relaxed and … well, it was a great way to leave the company, honestly. Everyone is happy.

FAR BETTER, though, was the news waiting for me after my review. It seems the campaigning I’ve been quietly doing each night at Stanford with the doctors and surgeons has paid off and my Aunt has been accepted into an on-campus care facility. She’ll receive as much (or as little) attention as she would like, will be encouraged to rebuild the muscle strength that Chemotherapy robbed from her and, if she is able to demonstrate a sufficient level of mobility to her doctors, she’ll be allowed to go home by the end of this month. Of course, this is a small, mostly hollow victory … clearly her body has shown that she’s unable to take ANY amount of chemo at all and, without it, her Cancer will continue to rampage through her body with no way to control it. The best thing we can focus on is how to manage her pain, and try to make the most of the time we have left with her while we TRY to prepare her family, especially my Uncle, for life after she’s gone.

Of course, this means I have one less distraction … one less reason to keep me from focusing on myself, my own future, my own health, and my own road ahead. But I’m not stressed about that. I’m clever. I’m sure I’ll come up with something. I always do.