I know that I've discussed the hit-and-miss art of active (and accurate) communication via any sort of electronic means in the past, but I guess I wasn't listening when I wrote it, or maybe I was using the wrong voice when I read it afterwards.
(Yes, I realize that one doesn't listen to something written. See now that was meant to be a tongue-in-cheek funny kind of thing but if you weren't reading it in the voice I had intended, ya' missed it. Explaining it, as I've just done, makes it boring and stupid. *sigh* Moving on ...)
It still fascinates - and disappoints, moves, angers, tickles - me how much we, as human beings, try to put ourselves in what we read, perhaps in an effort to understand the writers point of view, which then helps us to formulate an opinion one way or another. I GUESS that's what it is anyway. How else to explain the various rantings in the Editorial column of any newspaper? Or the comment section of a movie critic when the general population decides to make sure they tell him how wrong he was for not liking "Summer Random Blockbuster Film Starring Nick Cage".
(See now there - with that fake movie title I created? I was hoping you'd put in your own title for a film that maybe you loved ... or loathed. The fact that I included Nick Cage in it only alerts MY inner voice to say "soooo this would be a film that I actively avoided". Ahhhhh Nick Cage ... Founder of the Derek Zoolander School of Celluloid Emoting.)
We all probably, at one point or another, have exchanged communication with someone and have "heard" disappointment or sadness in their words. Sometimes it's an obvious conclusion to draw. If the conversation is about the loss of a pet or dealing with a no-win situation at work, it makes sense that there might be a tone involved. But I find it almost impossible to not insert my own tone, my own voice, emotions, circumstances when reading something, especially an email (to draw upon a specific example).
So it is when trying to convey information via email to a group of people. I could write out a perfectly eloquent paragraph to let folks know what's going on in my little corner of the world, and I'd get back responses ranging from "thanks for keeping me in the loop - I appreciate it and it's great to hear the hope in this message" to "wow - sending you virtual hugs and just know that things will look up soon" to "You don't like Nick Cage? How the fuck can you not like Nick Cage?"
But we - that is to say "I" - keep trying anyway, right? The alternative would be to either limit ourselves to having friends and family that live within easily-traveled visiting distances so that all communication would be face to face. So we - I - just keep trying to have those open lines of communication with people we - I - know well enough to allow them to have a comfort level sufficient to write us - me - back and say "Seriously, J. You REALLY don't like Nick Cage. Did you see his 'Random Blockbuster Film' this past Summer??"
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8 comments:
Jules a lot of people enjoy tearing people down. I prefer to build them up. I never said that I was perfect. I just try to make my corner of the world, a loving, caring one. It is how I choose to live my life.
Think about it. Do you want to leave people feeling good about themselves and you, in turn, or angry, upset and annoyed?
Hugs, Me
^^ true that, good point.
Ok - well ... how about instead of "I don't like Nick Cage" I'll say "I'm not a Nick Cage fan" then? ;-)
Jules that was not a criticism of your writing or what you "said". I am sorry that you took it that way. I was actually agreeing with you that it is easy to misperceive someone when all you have is their words. You cannot see their demeanor or voice inflection, etc. And, over time one can bring one's own experiences to the words that you read in a way that was never intended by the author.
I thought that was your point.
Sorry again.
Ha - and there we have it!
I wasn't taking what you wrote as a criticism at ALL. :)
See - if we'd been talkin' over a coffee, ya' woulda known I was joshin'. Not to worry - we're good.
Hugs
I don't understand how people can keep complaining about being "misunderstood" in electronic communication. I'm sorry, but it's just not that hard to make your meaning clear, unless you're trying too hard to be clever or sarcastic. If that's the case, is the problem really with the recepient?
I hear ya. Well, i think I do. Now, i guess the point is...we really never know, do we?
But, yeah. If I send out a note saying, "I won't be at work today. I broke my finger and have to get it set. *Bummer* ;)"
I might get 5 different responses.
1. Ouch. Hope it heals fast.
2. Dang, you know, excercising that will make it feel better. here is a link to some good excersizes that helped when i broke min last year.
3. Bummer, yeah, right. Like you miss that big project at work. *wink*
4. Oooh, you get to visit the cute doc? Tell all!
5. Hey, thanks for keeping me in the loop.
Is that even close to what you were saying?
D.
Dana, Yep - you got it. I'll even add a few others you may get.
6. So you're NOT gonna be able to help me finish that huge project then? Terrific. Thanks for the notice. *Eye roll* (AKA the "It's all about me" response.)
7. You don't HAVE to get it set, you know. That's just the thinking of Western Medicine. Here's the papers that have been published by 4 doctors you've never heard of that say otherwise. (AKA "the Colgate response". Sure 'cause with a broken finger, "surfing" is gonna be what you wanna do now, right?)
8. If I could come up with it, response 8 would somehow link you breaking of a finger with WW2, Politics, Religion, sexual orientation or a biting comment that somehow slams some innocent third party and makes the resonder FEEL like they're so much more superior and fabulous. (Let's call that the "Bulldog" response.)
But yeah - if you're trying to mass-communicate on pretty much anything these days, you'll always get response #1, and three or four of the others, too.
The surprising part is you're never really sure who is gonna respond how. I'm sure I've sent some version of each of those responses at some time. I've been ALL of those people.
I'm gonna start employing the "take a deep breath" method while writing. I wanna ask "Is this necessary? What action am I hoping for? Will what I'm saying get that action?" BEFORE I hit "send".
(Annnnnnd no one wants to defend Nick Cage? That's awesome. lol)
To anonymous,
If communicating were as easy as you claim there wouldn't be a need for lawyers nor would there be so many lawsuits because one person thought and understood one thing and the other person understood something entirely different.
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