Dear 2008, Stick it.

Ok ok - not really.

Honestly, this hasn't been my worst year. In fact, 2008 may not even be in my top worst five years. Granted, it probably won't be ranking at the top of the favorites side either ... as a year in total, that is. If I were to break it into months, or even seasons, then yes - there would be 2008 entries HIGH on both lists - heck, even some individual months within 2008 would be high on both lists. Along with moments of giant suckitude (which is a word if I say it is), 2008 has had moments of extreme fabulousness.

If I were to do a lost/gained comparison (and, as is my nature, that wouldn't be unlikely for me), I'd have to note that the sides were equal - surprisingly so. There were things I prepared for that, in their own way, happened (perhaps just not as originally planned). There were things that were TOTAL surprises that worked themselves out in ways that hurt, but hurt less than they would've down the road. For every moment of "ok - this just blows", there is an equal moment of "wow - this is amazing". For every pity-laden "why me?", there is another awe-struck "why me?" waiting right beside it.

(And, as an aside, I have no issues with complimenting myself for keeping the pity-laden "why me?s" to myself. I've shared quite a few things with my family and closest friends, but I have no problems saying that my "why me?s" were silently noted. I didn't stifle saying them - I gave myself permission to feel that way at times - but I did not wallow or dwell in it for unending weeks.)

And when did all this enlightenment occur? Today, about 5 hours ago, as I waited for yet another hospital visit to begin so that I could be stuck by yet another needle at yet another doctors appointment. But here's the thing ... I was waiting for another hospital visit to begin after sleeping in my own bed. I wasn't hooked up to any machines. I wasn't sick every 40 minutes. I wasn't finding clumps of my hair on my pillow. I wasn't in any pain. I had driven myself to this appointment and would be turning around and driving back home in less than 30 minutes. I would be celebrating Christmas Eve in my own fashion, spreading a message of hope and warmth that I still believe in and live every day, and I would be spending Christmas Day as I saw fit surrounded by family and friends not as a patient, but as a participant. These were my terms, and I would be allowed to carry them out.

And if noticing all of those blessings - and being grateful for them - makes me some starry-eyed optimist in your eyes, then allow me to suggest the following:

Your car not starting in the morning means you have a car.
Your being late for your job means you're employed.
The knucklehead who just pulled into the prime parking spot at the mall ahead of you means you have the freedom to run your own errands.
The pet who is demanding to be walked or fed or held or stroked means you have unconditional love and a life to care for other than your own.
The neighbor who plays his holiday music too loud means you have a home to protect you from the elements.
The TV station that runs the same stupid movie over and over means you have entertainment options at your fingertips and enough money in your budget to have those options.
The weather changing your plans means you were able to have plans in the first place.
The family members staying with you over the holidays that are driving you nuts mean you have family to spend your time with, and who traveled to spend time with you.
The pine needles dropping over the gifts beneath your tree mean you get to wake to the scent of pine tree each day, and that you have people you're sharing the holiday spirit with.
The refrigerator not having enough room in it for one more thing means you have food to enjoy for several days, and likely folks to share it with, too.

And before ya' think "sure - 'cause she never allows herself to think the negative stuff", I'm the first to say "like hell I don't". I've just found that it takes less energy this way. So even though I woke up today knowing that 2008 was gonna stick it to me just one more time, I'm here to say right back - 2008 can stick it.