Now Playing At An Office Near You

Me: So we gonna turn on the game(s) today then?
Male Co-worker: Sure - what time is kick-off?
Me: Uhhhh - it's basketball. Kicking is ... well, it's kinda frowned upon, yanno?

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Me: I know - me and skydiving ... how wrong is that? And ya' know what else? It was through a professional org and helmets were NOT part of the equipment we were issued to wear.
Female Co-worker: Uh huh. And how did you get that latest bruise again?
Me: I was changing out a battery in the smoke alarm and fell off the edge of the bed.
Female Co-worker: And you've broken your arms how many times?
Me: Twice. Each one.
Female Co-worker: And the last time you twisted your ankle ...
Me: ... happened as I was getting down from sitting on a kitchen stool.
Female Co-worker: You ... you maybe should wear a life helmet.

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Shipping Department Employee: Hey -you got a nice little package.
Pause
Awkward pause
Additional awkward pause
Shipping Department Employee: I'm gonna call you back and try that again, ok?

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My usually very together boss: Can you loan me some cash? I drove in without my bag today.
Me: Sure - so that means you don't have your license then either right?
My usually very together boss: Oh. Damn. Yeah.
Me: And your cell phone is ... ?
My usually very together boss: In ... my ... bag.
Me: With your laptop. Don't you carry that in your bag?
My usually very together boss: I'm - yeah, I'm going home now.
Me: Here's some cash - in case you get pulled over or get into trouble.
My usually very together boss: Clearly I'm already in trouble.

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I freely admit to writing these down for the manuscript that will eventually become a musical.