"5:45?!? What, like in the morning?!"
That's what went through my head when I read the note from my training team. (I'll be participating in a half-marathon this Sunday. Note that I did not say that I'd be RUNNING in it 'cause THAT would be lying.)
So out of all the things that I should be concerning myself with – that I haven't put on my shoes in more than several consecutive days, that I literally did pack "training gear" that still has tags on it from the store, the whole "my being in a state that I swore I'd never, ever, ever set foot in", looking like an idiot, hurting myself or, at least, my pride – the thing that literally jumped out of the "notes to know" from the team was "hey – meet ya' in the lobby at 5:45am ."
Oh - and, while I'm at it, the second part of the sentence also made me pause. It was "meet ya' in the lobby at 5:45am and we'll walk over to the starting line". My thought? "If we're all at this hotel, isn't there some kind of shuttle or something that could take us there?"
Seriously. That's REALLY what I thought. So I could be wrong, but something tells me I'm in way over my head here.
This Sunday morning, when y'all are barely able to roll over to go back to bed, take a moment and laugh at me and my ignorance. I know I will be.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
I’ll take "Things the French love that no one understands" for 100"
I'm sorry in advance. I should note, in fairness, that I'm NOT a fan of Jerry Lewis and his alleged "talent".
Jerry Lewis, for all the good he's done (and he's done a LOT of good) will never see a dime from me. Why? Because during his MD telethon this weekend, he forgot himself and "made a funny". He went on quickly and revisited it after the broadcast was over to say "whoops" but that's far too little and far too late.
As I won't be repeating the alleged "funny", I'd like to recreate it in a fashion so you can cringe along with me. Let's say that, during the broadcast, Jerry (who yes is up there in years AND I'm sure was tired and emotionally drained) made a comment about a camera-man's family being on-set. Something like "Oh, and there's Debbie, your illiterate, retarded daughter" … or "Debbie, your illiterate, mute daughter" … or "Debbie, your illiterate, MD-ridden daughter".
Right – see? NOT funny.
So Mr. Lewis, thank you for helping me take one more charity off my list of places to donate. I'll be putting my money in groups that have the good sense to hire mouthpieces that DON'T "forget" themselves, that know when a camera is on them, or that just plain don't spend any money on an extravaganza like yours and instead put that money to helping the causes they fight for.
And it's a shame, honestly, because the kids that you stand up for really do need someone to speak for them. However, given what you decided to say, perhaps they'll be better off to speak for themselves.
Jerry Lewis, for all the good he's done (and he's done a LOT of good) will never see a dime from me. Why? Because during his MD telethon this weekend, he forgot himself and "made a funny". He went on quickly and revisited it after the broadcast was over to say "whoops" but that's far too little and far too late.
As I won't be repeating the alleged "funny", I'd like to recreate it in a fashion so you can cringe along with me. Let's say that, during the broadcast, Jerry (who yes is up there in years AND I'm sure was tired and emotionally drained) made a comment about a camera-man's family being on-set. Something like "Oh, and there's Debbie, your illiterate, retarded daughter" … or "Debbie, your illiterate, mute daughter" … or "Debbie, your illiterate, MD-ridden daughter".
Right – see? NOT funny.
So Mr. Lewis, thank you for helping me take one more charity off my list of places to donate. I'll be putting my money in groups that have the good sense to hire mouthpieces that DON'T "forget" themselves, that know when a camera is on them, or that just plain don't spend any money on an extravaganza like yours and instead put that money to helping the causes they fight for.
And it's a shame, honestly, because the kids that you stand up for really do need someone to speak for them. However, given what you decided to say, perhaps they'll be better off to speak for themselves.
Monday, September 3, 2007
My instructional cheat-sheet
If you were to come with an instructional booklet, what would it say?
Figure maybe eight or so hints on what to do to provide happiness or things to avoid - to give other people a headsup.
Things to know about this human:
She has been known to change her mind during an argument (not because the opposing point had been proved, but because, as a woman, it's her right and her job to change her mind frequently).
She cries for no reason at all. Don't be so naïve to ever think it has anything to do with you – and don't ask her to stop crying. It's a good thing – just give her room to do so.
Never, ever try to tell her ANYTHING about her family and their various tendencies or faults. She's known them all her life, so she's totally allowed to make all the snide comments she likes. YOU cannot.
Nothing is ever totally in the past. Oh, also note: She has a terrible memory for her stuff, but she'll remember *everything* you've told her and can quote it back at the worst possible times … for you … so do be careful on that.
She does not do confrontation. If you try to trap, corner, or otherwise confront her, she will run, and she will not look back. She has proven quite capable at disappearing for months on end in the past and likely would do so again if the need arose.
She has been exceedingly lucky all her life. You'd be wise to let her pick your lottery numbers, place your bets, or go with her hunches.
She is deeply insecure and, as such, you probably will need to feed her ego pretty regularly. However, because of her time spent with sales types, she can feel an ass kiss a mile off, so creativity would be a good move.
She has been told that she's generous, both with the random gift, and with her time and her energy. Strangely enough, while she appreciates the fancier items in life, the things that mean the most to her aren't "things", but words, memories, sensations, tastes, or sounds. If you want to give her something meaningful, write her a letter, play her a song, or take care of her when she's sick.
She sometimes laughs in her sleep.
Ok – your turn.
Figure maybe eight or so hints on what to do to provide happiness or things to avoid - to give other people a headsup.
Things to know about this human:
She has been known to change her mind during an argument (not because the opposing point had been proved, but because, as a woman, it's her right and her job to change her mind frequently).
She cries for no reason at all. Don't be so naïve to ever think it has anything to do with you – and don't ask her to stop crying. It's a good thing – just give her room to do so.
Never, ever try to tell her ANYTHING about her family and their various tendencies or faults. She's known them all her life, so she's totally allowed to make all the snide comments she likes. YOU cannot.
Nothing is ever totally in the past. Oh, also note: She has a terrible memory for her stuff, but she'll remember *everything* you've told her and can quote it back at the worst possible times … for you … so do be careful on that.
She does not do confrontation. If you try to trap, corner, or otherwise confront her, she will run, and she will not look back. She has proven quite capable at disappearing for months on end in the past and likely would do so again if the need arose.
She has been exceedingly lucky all her life. You'd be wise to let her pick your lottery numbers, place your bets, or go with her hunches.
She is deeply insecure and, as such, you probably will need to feed her ego pretty regularly. However, because of her time spent with sales types, she can feel an ass kiss a mile off, so creativity would be a good move.
She has been told that she's generous, both with the random gift, and with her time and her energy. Strangely enough, while she appreciates the fancier items in life, the things that mean the most to her aren't "things", but words, memories, sensations, tastes, or sounds. If you want to give her something meaningful, write her a letter, play her a song, or take care of her when she's sick.
She sometimes laughs in her sleep.
Ok – your turn.
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