Vehicular Voyeurism

A friend of mine recently expressed surprise at watching me enjoy playing a video game. Now, I’ll easily grant you that I’m not a “gamer” by any stretch of the imagination and – in the electronic arena anyway – I’m not competitive. If, however, we’re talking about real life stuff (including board or card games) – well then I’m VERY competitive. And I’m a terrible winner, too. So *when* I beat you in backgammon … and I will, oh YES I will … don’t cry when I point out all the dumb moves you made. Because I will, oh YES I will.

I blame my father for the "terrible winner" trait. Just like I blame him for my infatuation with cars, which brings me nicely to today’s topic - automobile erotica or, if you’d like for me to dumb it down, car pron. I have been known to, mid-sentence, stop and downright drool when a classic car passes by. I make NO attempt to prevent this from happening, any more so than I would expect you to HIDE gawking at the hot waitress with the incredible rack as she bends over to hand you your milkshake, or the Olympic male swimmer who – dear God, is he stuffing socks in his Speedo???

Now car geeks come in all shapes and sizes and, as with any kind of pron, everyone has their fetishes. Me? Well you’ve seen Jake already, and my adopting Jake was inspired by my Aunt Eileen’s MG, which I’d coveted as a 6 year old. So I’ve been known to have lust after foreign imports but mostly, I’m an all-American gal. From the Camaro to the Mustang … from the Tbird to the holy grail of classics –

all rise, and bow your heads

– the Corvette.

You may be seated.

My father has been working his Corvette for about 6 years now. After watching him dabble for decades in various “project” cars, my mother and I had pretty much given up trying to prevent him from adding to his collection. We had him on the ropes for awhile, and then he started MAKING money by fixing them up and selling them. (Up until that point, it was merely a fancy garage stocked with a lot of nifty metal … a very expensive museum with a high insurance premium. Jay Leno’s wife must be a saint.)

So here comes the car pron. For those paying attention, here are the numbers: This is a 1960 Corvette,
completely restored from frame to fender. The restoration took between 450 to 500 hours to complete, and parts were found literally from all over the world. Every single thing on this vehicle WAS original to a 1960 Vette, except for the vanity plate. Also note the 327bhp engine.The base engine was a 230 (downright tragic for a vehicle with a 24-gallon gas tank), but just over 10,000 were specially made with 327s. Said engine has (as you can easily see) been chromed and cleaned – and my father has promised that he won’t wipe it down after every single use. Maybe. Well, probably not anyway.

It’s not hard to see that my father is running out of things to do for this car. But not to worry, even though he’s done some ridiculous customization to his most basic transportation,(yes, he really did PAY to have Goofy painted on the doors and tailgate of his truck) there are more pressing projects ahead. You may notice two Model T’s under covers behind the Corvette.We’ve agreed that his Granddaughters will get these vehicles, so he has at least 13 years to finish them, and the paint on both is already complete, and both have working engines. He’s well ahead of the curve.

Speaking of curves, the road is acallin’, and it’s time to see what she can do. Get outta my way!

*squeeeeeeel*