Here's Your Sign

I took a road trip yesterday to pick up some furniture (to "a whole 'nuther state", I said to myself in wonder) and, along the way, I finally understood a highway sign that I've been seeing for close to six months.

"Bridge ices before road" does not mean "this little connecting spot between the road and the bridge could be iced over so hey, be careful". It means "this entire bridge could be one solid mass of ice and just because the road is clear doesn't mean the bridge will be so hey, be careful". Now, happily, I came to this discovery all on my own, sans incident. I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner but ... well, I'll blame "I was concentrating on the road" for my lack of comprehension. That bolt of "duhhhhh" made me remember other signs I've mis-read or misunderstood over the years.

"Are you driving too fast for traffic school?" was one that always made me wonder if it was an advertisement for some sort of race-car driver course. "Do you have time to stop for a speeding ticket?" seemed pretty sarcastic for a sign, and tended to make me mutter something like "No, I don't have time to stop. THAT'S why I'm speeding." (I recall both these signs being posted within the same neighborhood area shortly after a local high-ranking government official moved into his new home. I'm sure that was just a coincidence.)

"Slow children at play" came across as either "our kids don't move very fast so ya' may wanna take another route if you're in a hurry" or "we have special needs children on this street and thought you'd wanna know" - both of which seemed kinda along the lines of giving a driver more information than they'd need to be aware of.

I recently saw "school children walk along this road" which, I presume, is meant to caution drivers to be more alert and slow down and NOT to entice possible pedophiles. "Open joints on bridge" has everything to do with how a roadway is constructed and nothing at all to do with deconstructing an ankle, knee, elbow, or illegal substance meant to be smoked. (I still giggle when I see it, though.)

My favorite sign that I came across was spotted a decade or more ago. It was posted on a small side road in a quiet neighborhood. "Our community cares" it simply stated and, underneath, had a drawing of some adults walking some children along a path. Shortly after it went up, someone hit the pole and bent the signpost. It was straightened well enough, but while it was down, someone changed the message just a bit. They etched rather shocked looking expressions on the folks walking along the path and added an "s" to the sign, which now read - probably more accurately - "Our community scares".