"Ya' Don't Sayyyyyy ..."

I will admit that, even for me, I've become increasingly lax with calls to my parents and to my sister as of late. I would say that there is just so much going on in my life that I simply don't have the time to do so - but that would be less than honest. The truth of the matter is that I don't call as much as I used to because it just plain takes too much out of me emotionally. (And geez, doesn't THAT sentiment just look wonderfully self-centered written out.)

I have hinted here that there is change happening in my sister's life ... change that I believe the entire family saw as an eventuality but didn't want to dwell on. Now that the change is in the works, however, it seems to be all anyone can talk about.

Case in point: I called my folks today to let them know I was having something sent to their home and asked if they would please send it my way at their leisure. Since they always scan their calls (my father is not a phone person and my mother just wants to know who is calling first), I was fully prepared to leave a message on their machine. Instead my father picked up the phone on the second ring.

I was all set to hear "Ok, I'll let her know you called" and little else, but instead was caught up to date on everything going on with "the other daughter".

For about 25 minutes.

In excruuuuuuciating detail.

It was a huge monologue that gave me plenty of time to have an internal conversation with myself. "Hmmm - gosh this coffee is really hitting the spot today. Just the right temperature, too. Is he still talking? Guess I should add something here". Out loud, I interjected an "mmmhmmm" that went largely unnoticed. I returned to my musings.

"So I wonder how my sister feels about all this being shared? I wonder how I'd feel if the tables were turned? I wonder if, in fact, everything that I share is also passed along?" I shifted in my chair as I added another "really" while he continued,. "After all, they know how I am about privacy. Both my parents and my sister have commented about my keeping to myself since forever. Wouldn't they know to respect that or do they feel it's alright to share among the immediate family?"

When, at last, the update was complete, there were a few basic questions directed at me revolving around the Olympics and the weather, and then the call was complete. I set my phone down and took a deep breath. I hadn't even given them the headsup about the shipment and I wasn't about to call back to let them know.

I don't know how I feel about all of this and it may take some time for me to sort it out. I realize that this probably falls under "the best of intentions" but I can't quite figure out what the "intent", best or not, would be. To save me from making more than one phone call? Because my father needs to figure out what is going on for himself? I dunno. Sadly, it doesn't really make me wanna share anything going on in my life, that's for sure. Which will only make me appear to be even more removed from my family.

It is a vicious circle.